Well hello there!
Yes, it’s me. It’s been awhile since my last post. I had all these grand plans to post all these things while stateside. After all, I had fast internet, a new laptop and no excuses.
Our family of 5 traveled all over the US from September thru October and we connected with so many friends and family. It was amazing and exhausting at the same time. Our plan was in November and December to just rest and really enjoy our family time during the holiday. The idea was that it would allow us to really return to Botswana in January refreshed and ready to take on the New Year and all its possibilities.
That’s not how it all turned out.
Instead of Christmas cookies, it was hospital cafeteria food.
Instead of Christmas lights, it was beeps and sounds of IV poles and heart monitors.
Instead of comfy couches and fuzzy blankets, it was a hard couch and chair in a hospital room.
Not exactly the vision of family and rest time we anticipated.
You see, December 15, 2016 at 7:32pm my life forever changed. My dad crossed over from this life to his eternal life in heaven.
It’s wrecked me in every possible way. (Just typing that sentence fills my eyes with tears and blurs the laptop screen.)
Ann Voskamp writes in her book, “The Broken Way: A daring path to abundant life.”
“Great grief isn’t made to fit inside your body. It’s why your heart breaks. If you haven’t felt this yet, it may be, God forbid, that someday you will.”
The weeks leading up to my dad’s death were his final lessons to me as his daughter. Sitting with my mom in the hospital she turned to me and said, “These are the final lessons your dad and I have to teach you, sis. How to die and how to let us go.”
I learned these lessons were some of the hardest yet most beautiful lessons of all.
There is bravery in death. There is indeed heartbreak in death ,yet there is unspeakable joy in the depths of great sorrow.
I’m learning to navigate these feelings and my hope is that by sharing what I have learned, I can help someone else along in this process. But maybe for now, this is just part of my grieving and healing process…..to write it all out.
So take my hand, or grab a cup of coffee and let’s navigate these waters together.
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf.” Hebrews 6:19-20
PS…I wish I could say that I returned to Botswana rested and refreshed and ready to take on the New Year and all its possibilities, but the truth is…..I am exhausted on all levels. I never realized this till now I am walking this road….tired.