If only dating could be simplified down to flash cards to help you figure it all out. Not possible. Dating is more wondrous than flash cards.
An err I so often see is someone believing that to get a certain someone’s attention we have to contort ourselves. We willingly do it so we can have his/her attention. Because possibly having his/her attention means that something is not wrong with me and that I may be loveable. The contortion is worth it to receive this validation.
Because of this real need of validation, too many beautiful people (that would be you) accept a poor version of love often contorting their very selves to remain in a relationship. In fact in a survey about abusive dating, nearly 20% of both teen boys and girls reported themselves as victims of physical and sexual abuse in dating relationships. That is 1 out of 5! Is that you too, you beautiful person?
When the survey asked about psychological abuse–broadly defined as actions ranging from name-calling to excessive tracking of a victim–more than 60% of each gender reported being victims and perpetrators of such behavior. Stop and ponder that—over 60%! Boys and girls! Over half of teens believe this behavior was okay in a dating relationship–all so they could stay in the relationship to figure out if they are loveable and worthy of love. Source. Note: These behaviors are not okay.
This grieves me. These beautiful and fragile hearts are being destroyed because they believe this is okay as long as they have a relationship.From this grief, I’ve created a free downloadable resource to hopefully change this thinking error. Remember doing flash cards when you were learning the multiplication table? Or maybe you continued to use flash cards into college to help on exams. These are flash cards you can print out. Use them with a trust friend, the one you know will be honest with you. The answers are simple—either yes or no. Questions are posed such as:
- There are some things that the two of you just can’t talk about because you fear his reaction.
- His influence develops your ability to love and be responsible.
- He humiliates you and belittles your opinion.
- He is able to admit being wrong.
There are 34 such cards in this pack which you can download, print, and shuffle here. At various times bring them out and do a run-through.
Will these cards change this awful trend? Maybe–at least for you and whoever else you share these with. This is something to help you and whomever else believe that she or he does not need to accept any abusive behavior to be loved. Please try. The heart is just too beautiful to be damaged so greatly.
Brenda (and John) are available to come and share at your church, camp or event to share more.
(Photo credit: https://www.flickr.com/photos/akshayhallur/13263483785)