I Hate Dating

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Actually I never hated dating. Yes, I did have my heart broken, and smashed twice. But I always loved dating. And I still love dating my husband.

But I hear from many people that they hate dating. Is this you?

I loved dating because I got to get to know new people. If a guy was brave enough to ask me out (I hear I was a handful), I considered him worthy to have a story I could hear and learn from. And that proved true time and time again.

I loved dating because I knew I had someone’s attention for a set time to hear my story. And I loved the life I was living. I had many stories I wanted to share. I thought I was interesting. I thought my life story made me attractive.

I loved dating because I got to try new restaurants. I simply love food. That is still definitely a part of my dating life now.

I loved dating because I knew that the success of the date didn’t define me. I loved the life I was living. If he didn’t “get” me, no big deal. I long practiced the core practice of brave dating, “Live your life to the full bravely following after Jesus. Now. As you are living bravely, who is keeping up with you? That is the match for you.” My husband, John, did keep up with me. That’s how I knew he was the one. That is also how I knew when someone didn’t deserve a second or 18th date with me.

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I loved dating because it gave me stories to share. I met some interesting people with interesting stories. Like a professional paintball player. How weirdly interesting is that? I married that one. I dated a guy who thought the right shoulder was an approved passing lane in his Porsche. I still remember that date too often but I don’t remember him as much as I do the fear.

I loved dating because it gave me good memories. Yes, some of those memories were awkward times. Yet aren’t awkward memories also fun to share?!

I loved dating even though my heart got broken. Dating is vulnerable. But I knew throughout the relationship that I was a worthy match. I knew that I would match again. And secretly I knew the guy would regret his loss every day the rest of his life. I don’t know if that is actually true though but I do think it still. There is a lot of vanity in this statement. But some vanity is okay. (Must read.)

So why do you hate dating?

Yes, there is awkwardness. There is the anxiety of what to wear, what to talk about, is the date plan the right date plan, how do I end the evening, etc. Then there is the overthinking of every little aspect of the date, especially after you are alone again. Then there is the anxiety about when to text next—or even if to text next.  I’m sure there are many other anxieties I didn’t even list here.

What you hate about dating is really your anxiety. Your fear of vulnerability. Your deep down fear that you are not good enough.

None of those are about dating. All of these have to do with you. This is what brave dating is about. We have lots here for you to read and learn about you. Be brave. God holds on you is stronger than your hold on him. Learn and take these steps.

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I never worried too much about dating. I had a life. I had a full life. And that guy was lucky to go out with me—even if it was one date and he hid from me after that one date (that happened more than once!). My relationship status didn’t define me. I didn’t compare my dating life to those of my friends or of my church (though church people did pressure me…grrrrr). I didn’t freak out about being single. I was an awesome catch and I knew that someday I would be caught. I took things in stride because I realized time was involved and I could do nothing to hurry time or change time. Meanwhile I continued to live full! Time eventually happened and I met and married my match. And I still love dating.

(Photo credit: https://coffeemeetsbagel.com/blog/index.php/best-date-tips/fun-dating/9-awkward-best-online-dating-moments/)

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