I May Be Leaving You But…

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“I’m coming right back.”

I quickly closed the door but I could hear her crying all the way in the kitchen. I had just left the classroom to go and get the afternoon snack like I did every day, but the little two year old was heartbroken that she couldn’t come along. She was being loud during nap time and has lost her turn at being “snack helper.”

When I got back to classroom I pulled her on my lap to talk about how she needed to make “good choices” but she was still wiping her eyes and I couldn’t bring myself to be stern with her right then. She looked up at me and whispered “Caroline came back?” Had she really thought that I had left her for good? I gave her hug and told her, “I’m always going to come back.” The second the words were out of my mouth I felt my stomach drop. Without evening meaning to I had lied to her. I wasn’t always going to come back. In three weeks I am going to walk out of that classroom door and I’m not going to be coming back. In three weeks I am going to be leaving her for good; her and all of my other little trouble makers. Despite how much I love them, and despite the hole it’s going to leave in my heart, I’m going to be leaving them….

How many people have come and gone from our lives? We are always going to have people that are going to leave us. Some will leave us for selfish reasons, some because they believe it’s what’s best, and some will leave just because of where life is taking them, and some don’t have a choice. Sometimes the people that leave will be the ones who hold you close and look you in the eyes and tell you that they never will. Sometimes you will be the one to leave, not because you want to, or because you’re running way, but because you’re simply going in a different direction. People will change. People will leave. People will hurt you. People will disappoint you. It’s a part of life. But amidst all of the uncertainty and change in our lives we always have someone that is never going to change. Someone that is never going to leave.

God never leaves us alone. Even when we feel like we have been abandoned He is always there. Sometimes when we start to feel His presence it’s like a sigh of relief as we finally take a breath and say, “God, you came back?” When He is saying to us “I was here the whole time, you just didn’t want to see me.”

God is the only one who can honestly say “I will never leave you.” We can’t see the future. We can’t control the future. We don’t know what is coming around the corner, but God does and He promises to be there no matter what comes. Despite our best intentions we are always going to fail, we are always going to disappoint. It’s part of being human.

He will never fail, He will never disappoint. Maybe that’s why our lives, our hope and our trust should be put in Him alone. Nothing else is ever certain. Life isn’t certain. The only thing that is certain is the presence of our Heavenly Father and the love He will always have for us.

Caroline Lesh, 19-years old and heading to Haiti

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