Back in 2015 I published this blog with this brave and true statement that I believe there are good men out there. Two-plus years later I still strongly believe this and am feeling the urgency to repost it because some of you may need this brave hope. Here it is again. I don’t even feel the need to update this other than adding the last one on the list because this is what I still believe to my core.
I know lots of really great women. Women who are worthy of a love for a lifetime and are making the right decisions to have that. But I don’t know enough worthy men to set them up with. I’m on their teams and I believe in them so much that I wish I could introduce them to some really good men. Because I believe there are lots of really good men out there.
The lack of really good men that I know to introduce them too I believe simply comes down to the fact that I am a woman and have these close relationships with good women. I still believe that these really good men are out there, just not in my immediate circle. These good women don’t always believe this. They fear they are going to have to settle. I’m coaching because I believe there are lots of really good men out there.
This is what I believe is out there:
- These men have a genuine faith. Their faith is more than just going to church on Sundays (or Saturdays). They have people speaking into their lives and their faith is growing.
- These men are honest. Think about it. Honesty is a sign of security. What you see is what you get, and there is absolutely nothing to hide. There is strength in honesty. There is vulnerability in honesty and you can’t have bravery without vulnerability. Thus honesty is the sign of a good man.
- These men are in the process of healing, whether it is from past relationships or in their family relationships or whomever else. To forgive is a vulnerable behavior and these good men do not shy away from that. These men may have children but you will be able to tell how healed he is from past relationships by how he treats his children.
- These men show compassion. A compassionate man is not weak and weepy. He is a man who allows his heart to be moved and then allows his actions to follow his heart. A man who strives for healing, restoration, and resolution will have the heart of Jesus.
- These men have appropriate boundaries set in the relationships in their lives. They have learned how to set boundaries. This includes boundaries with their parents. They have already begun the process of “leaving and cleaving” by starting to set proper boundaries before they get into a serious dating relationship.
- These men show a hate to sin, particularly in his own life. He does not blow sin off and make excuses for weaknesses. He does not compromise the seemingly insignificant sins in his life. He knows that his life has value for more and does not allow sins, even small sins, to deter him from his worth.
- These men desire to be sexually pure—and desire to have a sexually pure relationship. This does not mean that their past is pure. But he has sought healing and forgiveness for his past and does not want to introduce those complications into his next relationship.
- These men do not watch porn.
- These men are generous with his own money, time, and energy for others.
- These men are engaged in life. Quality time does not mean watching TV or doing what he needs to get done.
- These men are planners. As in they do not have a Pinterest board planning their wedding but they plan for their life, every part of their life and that includes his time with you. Dating is not reserved for when it fits into his life but is planned into his life because it is part of a larger plan.
- These men are not afraid to ask a good woman out. They are also clear in their intentions and the defining of a relationship. They don’t lean solely on social media to flirt, tease, and communicate. They are not afraid to use actual words when they talk face-to-face.
- These men are encouraging in words and prayers for the woman’s godliness and giftedness.
- These men realize their masculinity is defined by more than looks and muscles. They also realize that these other characteristics are what are attractive to good women. These men realize that worthiness is their birthright—and how attractive that is.
- These men are saying “yes” to spontaneity now. They are already living a full story.
Men, if this describes you. Let me know of your existence. I know lots of really good women.
Men, if this is not you—yet—take a look at these points and see where you need to grow. You can grow. You can do this. I believe you do desire a good woman for that love for a lifetime. These are some parameters to help you get there. Do the hard work. It is worth it.
Women, I know there are men like this out there. I meet them all the time in my travels as a speaker. These men do exist. Don’t settle. It is worth it to find your match.
(photo credit: PicJumbo.com)