Facebook, Instagram, Tumblr, and Twitter are full of people who live in scarcity. Most people will say that Facebook is full of people who are narcissists. People who have to post every little thing about their lives seem like narcissists. But the reality is this is not narcissism but scarcity. All these posts of their new furniture, their friends, their vacation, their cute dog, their food, their weightloss, etc., are really a stab at validation. Consciously, subconsciously and even unconsciously something in our soul says, “will I be enough if others see my vacation?” “Will I be enough if I eat the most visual food there is?”
Will you ever be enough?
Because deep down we don’t feel like we are enough. That we are never good enough, never thin enough, never powerful enough, never rich enough, never smart enough, never extraordinary enough. This is scarcity. This is waking up in the morning and already feeling like you have let down those you love before you even get out of bed. This is spending your credit cards over the limit so you can have all those Christmas gifts under the tree (which you then post on Facebook and Instagram) so you can feel like a good parent. Or worse—you really purchased those gifts to fit in with your peers or to impress your peers which is more important to you than your parenting. This is striving and striving to achieve a weight loss goal and then photoshopping your photo which you post on Facebook or Instagram. Then checking and rechecking your post to see who and how many likes you got. A comment is a bonus boost. This is scarcity.
We’ve all seen similar sad posts to this one:
How many teen girls, young women–or any woman, desire to be tagged in a post like that? Yet who is doing the validating here? An anonymous person created this anonymous meme and created scarcity in all of us.
Stat fact: According to YPulse’s Social Media Illusion trend, 56 percent of females, ages 13-33-years-old, say they compare themselves to the people they follow on social media. From a survey done by Girl Scouts, nearly 74 percent of girls agreed that other girls tried to make themselves look “cooler than they are” on social networking sites. For more of the same.
Do you see how fear is at the core of all this?
More mindblowing is the root of scarcity is shame. From Dr. Brene’ Brown’s research,
“When I look at narcissism through the vulnerability lens, I see the shame-based fear of being ordinary. I see the fear of never feeling extraordinary enough to be noticed, to be lovable, to belong, or to cultivate a sense of purpose.” Daring Greatly, P. 22.
Did that just bring this truth to the light? Did that just knock your soul? I hope so.
Shame. In the quiet—which is a place you rarely allow yourself to go—you feel the shame of something. This shame is the engine that drives your life.
Note: There is healing for your shame. It does involve vulnerability though.
We believe incorrectly that the opposite of scarcity is abundance. Thus the continual cycle of buying more, eating more, exercising more, posting more, etc. This is exhausting, isn’t it? It is exhausting and the process is actually holding you back from entering into a life where you are free to love and be loved. By believing that “more” will solve your feelings of scarcity, you continue to enslave yourself by working ever harder against an unrealistic ideal so that you will achieve “more”–further deepening your “never enough” mad cycle.
Shame wins again.
This feeling of scarcity is the big lie you have bought into. (You’ve seen it modeled from so many people around you that it is easy to buy into.) It is this innate fear that rests deep inside of you, whispering to your subconscious mind that you simply are not enough. There is that fear again. The fear that you think helps you keep your life in control but really keeps you out of vulnerability and back into that exhaustion you wake up with.
Shame wins again.
You are enough. “Then God looked over all he had made, and he saw that it was very good!” Genesis 1:31. Oh, you think that you are different than the mass of creation? That something about you is so wrong that you can’t be lumped into everything that God calls very good? “What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don’t be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows.” Matthew 10:29-30. This is personal. The hairs on your head are counted. “I pray that from his glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through his Spirit. Then Christ will make his home in your hearts as you trust in him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” Ephesians 3:16-17. This is personal. God has unlimited resources for you.
You are enough.
Can you make such brave decisions that shame can no longer drive your life? Shame thrives in secret keeping. This is part of the core work of Bravester. To expose shame for the sham that it is. No, that is not a typo. Shame is a sham.
[Tweet “Shame is a sham.”]
You are enough. Say it with me, “I am enough.” It feels awkward and almost unbelievable. It is hard to say, right? But if you are ever to break the lie of scarcity, you must not only say it, but actually believe it. You are enough. Right now. Today. Those imperfections that torment you that you are not enough? Those imperfections can be your most unique trait. Those imperfections make you you and what people like about you. You are worthy of people liking you.
You are worthy of people liking you.
Will you be brave enough to bring light to your shame so the healing can begin? This very thought may cause you to shudder in fear. And shudder in possibilities. Find healing. Worthiness is your birthright. You were enough the minute you were born.
End note: Narcissism is quickly becoming an overused word that takes away the true diagnosis of what a narcissistic person is. Narcissistic personality disorder is a mental disorder in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for admiration and a lack of empathy for others. But behind this mask of ultraconfidence lies a fragile self-esteem that’s vulnerable to the slightest criticism. You can see how people living in scarcity can be mistaken as being narcissists. I believe narcissists are mentally ill people in need of help. Family members who have to live with narcissists deserve a better understanding for the day-in and day-out struggle they have to live with. People living in scarcity are not this.