“Sexy is just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less.”

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I’ve never been an Ashton Kutcher fan. Too much Hollywood-glitz/lack of high values for me. But that may have changed.

At the 2013 Teen Choice Awards Ashton Kutcher won the Lifetime Achievement Award at the age of 37. Side note: This is so Hollywood to grant this end-of-life award at age 35. My “bold” prediction is that Ashton Kutcher will go on to gain even more accomplishments and that his life is not over.

During his acceptance speech (which has gone viral–still which is how I found it recently) Kutcher said some things that I want to repeat here.

First he mentioned how accomplishments are hard work. Hard. Work. Amen.

Then he described what sexy is. Of course, he’s been considered sexy for his entire career—the career he was given a Lifetime Achievement award for.

The term “sexy” is one overused word in today’s vocabulary. I cringe particularly when I hear teens and young adults use it to describe themselves—or how they want to be. It is too often used in a passing comment but I see the desire behind the eyes to want to be sexy. The desire that if they were deemed sexy, they would then be more loveable. When truly love and sexy have nothing to do with each other.

I ask these young women often to define sexy. Most don’t have an answer. I ask in response for them to give me the root word of sexy. They reply “sex” with giggles–every time (like this is the first it occurred to them). Then I ask what does their desire to be sexy have to do with sex? There is blushing and giggles and denials. The denials are true. Sexy no longer has much to do with sex. This overused word has mutated beyond its root word. Sexy is an amorphous word for everything beautiful and desirable. In this sex-crazed culture it drives me crazy to have a sex-based word describe beauty.

Hence why Ashton Kutcher’s viral speech caught my attention and made me shout “amen” and write this blog. This is how he defined sexy:

“The sexiest thing in the entire world is being really smart. And being thoughtful. And being generous. Everything else is crap! I promise you! It’s just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less. So don’t buy it. Be smart, be thoughtful, and be generous.”

Repeat: Sexy is just crap that people try to sell to you to make you feel like less.

Thanks to the Hollywood fake standard, we women feel less all the time. We can never be thin enough, pretty enough, stylish enough, clever enough, sexy enough, etc. We feel less all the time. Now sexy is being crammed down our throats to continue to make us feel less—and sell us crap. This is why my soul cringes when I hear young women talk about themselves as being sexy or their desire to be sexy. I know it is because they already feel less.

But they aren’t less. You aren’t less.

The third and final piece of advice Kutcher dealt with the fulfillment of refusing to live “inside the world” and instead creating your own life.  Living “inside the world” is trying to live the amorphous sexy instead of being who you were created to be. Trying to live “inside the world” is going to be a fail every time.  This is an impossible standard and one you were not created to live.   Create your own life because you are enough.  You and only you can do what God intends your life to be.  Don’t waste your time on anything else.

Dear sexy-wannabe-women,

You are not less. You were created from love on purpose from a Creator who personally made every bit of you. No matter what circumstances you were born into, you were born on purpose. And that makes you enough. Live your life every day knowing that God knows you are enough. Worthiness is your birthright.

Because you are enough, how now do you live? How can you fulfill your birthright to be here on this planet as part of God’s big plan? Make your life decisions from this question and find out how strong you really are. How worthy you really are. How beautiful you really are.

I’m your biggest fan. Be brave.

Brenda!

(Photo credit:  YouTube)

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