We have a guest post from someone who’s blog I follow, Dee’s Dating Diary. I asked Dee’s permission to share this wisdom with us here and she said yes. So go ahead and read these brave thoughts and see if they don’t change some of your thinking. Don’t punish yourself with regrets, just move forward.
There’s a huge problem in dating that needs to be addressed. From the moment a relationship becomes exclusive, or even before this point, many women treat their boyfriends like they are their husbands.
Most of the time, you will see women do for their boyfriends what a wife does for her husband and this is not okay.
Unless there is a ring on your finger, you should never treat your boyfriend as if he is your husband!
Playing Wife Is A Temporary Comfort
While “playing house” and “playing wife” may make you feel happier about your relationship because you exhibit that close, committed relationship held by a husband and wife, you don’t have the comfort and security that a marriage provides.
While you’re doing so much for your boyfriend to the point that you resemble the role his wife would take on, you’ll be disappointed to learn how easily and quickly a man can leave the relationship without batting an eye.
And, after the relationship ends, will you not sit there thinking, “Damn, I shouldn’t have done all that for him!” Or, “I cant believe he left me after everything I’ve done and given up for him!”
While these are legitimate questions, the real questions you need to ask yourself are, “Why did I treat this man like my husband?” “Why did I do so much for a man that wasn’t married to me?”
Instead of being the devoted wife in your next relationship, just be the girlfriend. And, know that this route will get you a ring quicker than if you act like there’s already a ring on your finger.
The Benefits of Marriage Don’t Apply to Relationships
The root of some of your problems in dating may be the fact that you are going above and beyond the call of duty of a girlfriend.
The truth is, if a man wants ALL of you and wants you to do more than a girlfriend does for her boyfriend, then he needs to put a ring on it.
While many men will propose to women who treated them like husbands from day one, it will take you a lot longer to get a ring out of a man if you’re giving him all the benefits of a marriage without any of the accompanying obligations and commitments.
Why Marry The Woman When You Can Get The Wife For Free?
Do you remember that old saying, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk for free?”
Well, it’s true! This applies to dating and not just sex. What will inspire or encourage a man to marry you if he already has all the perks of marriage without any of it’s other obligations or “hassles?”
If a man wants more than plain old boyfriend treatment, he’s going to have to earn it and he needs to ask you to be his wife!
Think about it though, how are you going to feel if you treat your beau like he’s your husband and he breaks up with you or leaves you for another woman? Will you not regret doing too much for him?
Don’t get caught up doing a lot more in a relationship than you should! At the end of the day, the only person who ever regrets doing this is the woman, not the man!
What Is Treating Your Boyfriend Like A Husband?
Well, there are many things that women do that reflects the role of a wife.
But, to give you an idea, it can include anything from playing house and regularly cleaning his place or doing his laundry to passing up great opportunities for the relationship.
The most significant aspect I’ve noticed women catering to men as husbands would be in their careers. For example, you could get a great job offer in another state, but choose to pass up on the opportunity to stay with your boyfriend.
I’ve seen too many women pass up on great career or business opportunities for men that had no intention of marrying them, let alone being together long-term.
As women, we can’t make decisions based on our boyfriend being in our lives and, if we do, it can really hold us back.
When it’s all said and done, no woman looks back and says, “You know, I’m glad I passed up that opportunity for him!” So, if you’re not married, you need to make decisions with only your own best interest at heart.
If a man is going to make a career or business decision, he does it, and without thinking, “Oh, I wonder if my girlfriend will be okay with this.” No, men do what they know is best for themselves and it’s time that women did the same!
Until You’re Engaged, His Opinion Doesn’t Matter
If he’s not your husband, your opinion is the only one that matters.
I say this because 2-3 years down the line when you’re not with him, you too will think his opinion doesn’t matter. If he’s not going to be a part of your life permanently, then why would you make decisions based on him? Especially decisions that will have a lasting effect on your life.
If your boyfriend wants you to consider him when you’re making big decisions about your life, he needs to show you that he will always be a part of that life. And, he does this by asking you to marry him!
Remember to slow down and let the dating process and courtship happen naturally. Don’t force a more committed element in your relationship by playing wife. If he doesn’t want to play husband, you definitely shouldn’t play wife!
Also read Dee’s book, Picking Up The Pieces: Rebuilding Yourself For The Love And Relationship You Deserve
(Photo credit: https://www.shortlist.com/style/how-to-do-laundry-properly-washing-machine-detergent-tips-faded-clothing/331833)