Stupid Things People Say Because They Don’t Understand Singleness

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Are you praying for your spouse?

No I’m not. I only think about this day-and-night and it never once occurred for me to pray. Yes, I’m using sarcasm.

God only blesses you with a spouse when you learn to be content in your singleness.

Then Lord knows (literally) that I would have never gotten married, because frankly, I was not really okay with a lifetime of singleness. I thought for a season that this was my future but I wasn’t okay with it. Nor did I force myself to be okay with it thinking I was making a deal with God. My wrestling self knew that myself was not in the way of meeting John because I was living my life to the full. It’s okay to be discontent through singleness, but it’s not okay to let that discontentment rob you of your very life. Or to lead you to “make deals” with God. Or lead you to compromise your soul. Wrestle with this discontentment. The world needs the heartbreak you risk.

It will happen when you least expect it.

What this really means is it will happen when you just stop worrying about it. It will happen when you let your guard down for a second, when you’re thinking about something else, when for a moment all the stress and frustration and heaviness part like clouds, and some guy gets a glimpse of the real you that’s been hiding underneath. This is so conditional on you to be in the perfect situation so you can be surprised by love. In the literal sense finding your match will happen when you least expect it because you will be living your life to the full and then you will turn around and find that one who is keeping up with you.

You’re too picky. You should probably lower your standards. You’re only interested in men/women who are above your level. You need to be more realistic about who you are and what kind of guy/woman you can expect to be interested in you.

Umm…you can re-read this passion-filled blog I wrote and realize the best thing is for you to not compromise your standards.

Don’t worry, I’m sure you’re next!

Next for what? How do you know what is going to happen in my future? Do you have a way to control my future?

Guys are intimidated by you. The more you accomplish, the less guys will want to ask you out.

So you want me to change me to get a guy? You want me to trick a guy into being with me?

Loneliness is God’s way of drawing you to Himself.

Is this said to married people? Because many will tell you (like me) that you can be even lonelier in marriage. Loneliness is real. What you are feeling is real. But something is not wrong with you because you are lonely. Loneliness is a signal that you are alive and living vulnerably. Loneliness will push you to relationships—not the idealized romantic relationship which you think will cure your loneliness–or to this advice-giving person who is talking to you. I have a lot to say about loneliness such as Merry Christmas to the Lonely and Loneliness Soup Served at Christmas.

If you were a better Christian you would find that good Christian match.

If you were better how? And why are you not living that way now? This sounds like a hustling thought. Stop. There is shame involved here and we expose a lot of shame problems at Bravester. Shame is your storystealer. You need to be living your life now to the full—which is attractive—even as you desire to be married.

There’s sin in your life that God wants you to work through first. Once you work it out, he’ll bring you a spouse.

#Ican’teven  See above.

You get to be married to Jesus. Just think of him as your husband.

I just threw up in my mouth. Which is a statement I hate and is overused but felt it was perfectly descriptive here. I am created for marriage because that is how God created me. God did make an Eve for Adam, right? God didn’t say to Adam, “here is Jesus, your helpmate.” I love Jesus so much but I don’t want to be married to Him.

I can’t remember the last time I was single on Christmas.

Really? Keep that thought inside your head please.

By the way, it’s okay to have a constant longing for marriage because you were made in the image of a God who understands because He is longing for connection with you. It is a struggle that we are allowed to have, and one that can draw us even closer to a God who longs to connect with us through it. Wrestle it out. Live your unique life to the full and see who is catching up to you.

(Photo credit:  https://imgflip.com/i/ntj05)

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