No, this is not a club I have started. No way. This is not a brave dating practice. Read It’s Okay to Flirt. And Some Tips to Flirt Wisely.
The Anti-Flirt Club was an American club active in Washington, D.C., (where I live) during the early 1920s. The purpose of the club was to protect young women and girls who received unwelcome attention from men in automobiles and on street corners. Source. Over time this has still proven to be a problem, huh women?!
This club was complete with its own rules. Oh the cleverness of these rules!
- Don’t flirt: those who flirt in haste oft repent in leisure.
- Don’t accept rides from flirting motorists—they don’t invite you in to save you a walk.
- Don’t use your eyes for ogling—they were made for worthier purposes.
- Don’t go out with men you don’t know—they may be married, and you may be in for a hair-pulling match.
- Don’t wink—a flutter of one eye may cause a tear in the other.
- Don’t smile at flirtatious strangers—save them for people you know.
- Don’t annex all the men you can get—by flirting with many, you may lose out on the one.
- Don’t fall for the slick, dandified cake eater—the unpolished gold of a real man is worth more than the gloss of a lounge lizard.
- Don’t let elderly men with an eye to a flirtation pat you on the shoulder and take a fatherly interest in you. Those are usually the kind who want to forget they are fathers.
- Don’t ignore the man you are sure of while you flirt with another. When you return to the first one you may find him gone.
As funny, clever, and tweetable as these rules are, these women had the vanity—and bravery–to form a club and come up with these rules. There was a growing problem started by this new thing called the car. Women were being harassed and taken advantage of by men who had this advantage and were using it for their power. These women understood that the economy of sex got better for them if women bonded together so they formed this now-silly club. There is vanity in all of this. The vanity of saying “that guy is awful smart to be paying me this much attention but I am smarter because I can see that he is not quality enough for me.”
Having a little vanity is definitely a brave dating practice. This is you strengthening your discerner (part-brain, part-instinct, and part-Holy-Spirit) by believing the value of yourself (you are a great catch!), respecting your boundaries, listening to your team’s wisdom, and enjoying the attention you attract—whether it is false attention or good attention. Any one is smart to be flirting with you. But you are smarter by discerning what is best for you.
Sometimes what is best for you is turning down a guy’s attention. Sometimes what is best for you is for you to stop contorting yourself to make this relationship work. Sometimes what is best for you is to make one of your bravest decisions and end a relationship. Sometimes what is best for you is to not let the elderly men with an eye to a flirtation pat you on the shoulder and take a fatherly interest in you. Those are usually the kind who want to forget they are fathers. (These women were discerning!)
On the flipside sometimes what is best for you is to not fear your vulnerability and give that possibly worthy one a shot. If your discerner is active, your boundaries are set, and you are listening to your team, say yes to the coffee date. What the heck! A failed date does not define you.
Remember also, don’t wink—a flutter of one eye may cause a tear in the other. That one may be my favorite but a rule about dandified cake eaters may make a future blog!
(photo credit: http://www.oldcarmanualproject.com/archive/homepage/151112home.html, http://www.pointsincase.com/columns/men-inferior-gender)