Online dating is definitely a part of today’s dating landscape. It is one of the tools we have available to help you “get your numbers up” to meet people. Yes, dating is a numbers game. You need to meet a number of people to find a good match. Don’t let that defeat you while at the same time get that picture out of your head of that daydream prayer you have. You know the one. The one of entering into a coffee shop one day and you will see “him” and know it is “him” because there is a glowing light over his head which signifies immediately that this is the one God has for you. You will then walk over to him and he will say something clever and you will know he is the one because you will respond with something clever and cute and not stumble over your words while hating yourself on the inside for being so “stupid.” The whole scene will be movie-clever-perfect.
Not going to happen.
Dating is a numbers game. You are going to meet a lot of people to find your match. Notice I didn’t say date a lot of people. You may date a lot of people. But it starts with meeting people.
This is where online dating comes in. Back in college it was easy to meet lots of dateable people. Yet many people in college are also on online dating sites these days. That is how viable online dating is now. Something is not wrong with you if you have to put yourself on a dating site. Far from it. It is just another one of those clever tools we now have thanks to the internet. (Can you imagine a life without Amazon?)
Thankfully the many online dating sites that are available these days (with new ones launching all the time) are continually being tweaked to increase the success odds. As a dating coach, I am a fan of online dating. I encourage others to try. Sometimes I am allowed to watch their interactions on these dating sites and help them discern what to do next in this online dating world. Thusly you will find the apps for Match and eHarmony and others on this married lady’s phone.
The Barna Group just released a study on online dating. Among those who have previously or currently use online dating, a plurality (39%) have had a mixed experience. Almost three in 10 (29%) have had a very positive (13%) or mostly positive (16%) experience, while almost one-third (32%) have had a very (15%) or somewhat negative (17%) experience. But people are still finding love online. Among users of online dating sites and apps, one in 3 (29%) met their current partner online, and on average, 2.4 of their friends also met their current partner online. Overall those numbers are pretty low, for the good, the bad, and the ugly. They are simply interesting numbers. Until you get to this one—1 in 3 have met their current partner online. This is what I mean about “getting your numbers up.” You might, just might, meet a match. This is one way to do that. This is why I am a fan of online dating. You just never know. And when it comes to love, this is all the more true. You just never know. It can’t hurt to try.
But yes, you think it might hurt to try. There could be rejection. You could put a profile out there and no one would ever message you. Or just the creepers (and they are there!). There could simply be rejection of your picture. You would rather not risk that.
Hear me on this. If some of the masses on online dating reject your picture, so what?! There are masses on online dating sites. You really don’t want to have your picture liked by the masses, do you? Really? Because you are more than a picture and most of the masses won’t take the time to learn the more of you. When you sign up for an online dating site, you are throwing yourself into a large pool praying (yes, praying is still a part of this!) that someone who is not in your normal social circle will take the time to learn about the more of you. You are not looking for the masses to like you, you are looking for a select few.
It is the select few who will actually read your profile. It is the select few of the select few who will understand your profile and want to message you. There is no rejection here. There is just getting your numbers up of the people you meet. And you are sort of meeting people with online dating.
And yes, people do lie in their profiles. Do their lies define anything about you? Do their lies of these masses really matter to you? Not one of those lies is a personal betrayal to you.
This risk is worth it. As for the rest, who cares? They don’t define you. They don’t even know you. You can risk any risk for the possibility of “what if.”
As for the creepers, block. Only after you share with your team and get a good laugh. That does help. You will wonder together what some of these people have inside of their heads!!
As an extra watch this video of an online dating experiment. It will give you hope. (Love the advice on this site! We include it in our resources.)
(Photo credit: http://www.moneycrashers.com/best-online-dating-sites-tips/)