To the Christian Guy on the Dating App

I am not on dating apps because I am looking for a date. Happily I’m still dating John. I am on dating apps because I am on the team of some great women. Worthy women! Women who have put the growth in to know who they are and who they want in a match. Women who have healed. Women who have grown to know what love really looks like. Women I want you to meet.

So we as her team are trying to get her numbers up to meet more worthy people. Technology allows us to do this through dating apps. I’ve looked at thousands of men on dating apps. It is as overwhelming as it is discouraging. I’ve also learned there are some things you can do to help you—as a worthy Christian man looking for his love of a lifetime—to put on your profile that will make us click through and message you.

I always encourage the women who’s teams I am on to message if they like a profile. I encourage them to message first. Who knows how the algorithm works to know if or when you were matched with her. Perhaps it was a day or week you didn’t check and she’s lost in your long list of matches. To message first is not that big of a deal.

This leads into my first bit of advice for you:

I also encourage the women to bravely ask for a coffee date after they get several favorable responses in messages. We don’t wait around for the guy to do the asking. I want this possible match to move out of the messaging part into the real world soon—over coffee—to see if there is any chemistry and truth to what is happening in the messages.

  • Reply back to any messages you have received. Even if the message is a “thanks but no thanks” because you already see something in her profile that you know is not a match for you. Something obvious. A red light. Receiving a “sorry, not you” is way better than receiving nothing. Oblivion is disrespectful and not a good look on you. A reply is vulnerable. Even the “sorry, not you” one. You look impressive even though you will never meet.
  • If there is something about her that is a maybe, a yellow light, reply with your real voice and see what develops. It is hard to develop chemistry from an online profile. It is just the start. Continue the conversation and see what conversation develops. This is hardly being vulnerable. It is just through the messaging part of the app.
  • Take a wider look at someone who has messaged you. You really don’t know enough yet to know anything. Messaging is not being vulnerable.
  • True Christian women are looking for true Christian men. Make this obvious in your profile. Blatantly describe your faith high on the profile. This is the filter we use to possibly message someone. The more well-described your faith walk is, the more likely we will message you. If it is not on your profile, we barely look at you.
  • Please finish filling out your entire profile. I know some of the profiles are lengthy and tedious. But a full profile is a great first impression. An even better first impression than your picture. True Christian women are looking deeper than your looks.
  • With this one exception about pictures. No bathroom selfies ever. Your profile will never be opened. Car selfies are questionable.
  • You probably put some thought into the pictures you have posted. Please post pictures that are true to you. Even if it shows your extra weight. Women are more often than not okay with that. And certainly way more okay than finding out about your extra weight in person on that first coffee date. That first look at you in real world better be the you they’ve seen on your profile. Otherwise you are beginning this possible match with a lie. No true Christian woman will want to date you.
  • If your profile says you work out every day, do. We all catch on to this lie easily.
  • Don’t use something that you learned about a failed relationship in your profile. When I read, “I’m looking for a woman who will never use me for money or lie to me” I know you have baggage that I don’t want any woman I know to date.  Grow through that break up, find out who you are and how you can find a better match, and describe that person to me.
  • Watch your capitalization, punctuation, and spelling. We do judge. First impressions again.
  • A little bit of humor separates you from the masses. Try writing something clever that is true to your personality.
  • I want to repeat this one because it is our first filter. It is the first filter these good Christian women use to parse through the profiles. Blatantly describe your faith high on the profile. Write a two-sentence testimony of your faith. We will message you.

You are on the dating app anyway. Won’t it be nice to be messaged by a good Christian woman?

(photo credit: Ayo Ogunseinde, Unsplash.com)