So I’ve talked you into giving online dating a try. Take it with a “what the heck” attitude. You are getting your numbers up and “meeting” people outside of the circle you have now. What the heck. You might meet someone pretty special. You will meet some duds. What the heck.
Do you know what the hardest part is to being on online dating sites? It’s not dodging the duds. That becomes laughably easy. It’s writing your profile. This is a sure way to filter out duds and attract possible matches. You will learn this when you start scrolling through profiles of matches. Woohee there are some clunkers out there. And then you will come across some good profiles. Those good profiles do stand out. Take the time to make yours a good profile. I’ll help you with that.
Here are my tips which I’ve used to help write some profiles.
Choose 3 or 4 adjectives that best describe your personality. If you are at a loss as to what your best adjectives are ask your team or circle of friends to describe you in one word. Take those words and develop creative sentences. Don’t simply list these words. Creatively tell your story as to why you are these adjectives.
Share a short story about you. This short story should include what you care about. If where you volunteer is a passion of yours, tell a story of a time you were at your place of volunteering. This story will give the person a good look at what makes you tick—and who doesn’t love a good story.
I have also found that it is important to state your faith clearly in your profile. This serves as a good filter. Most dating sites have a category for this but how you state your faith in your profile is a better descriptor to attract the right type for you. Compare and contrast these two statements:
- I believe in Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.
- My faith is important to me. It is the foundation that gives me the confidence to be so active in the world around me.
While both are true statements, one is generic and doesn’t really tell you about this person’s faith. Or maybe that all he/she can do with his/her faith is repeat the proper phrase. While the second one definitely gives you a glimpse into how one’s faith affects the rest of his/her life–and that does matter to you in seeking a match. Do you want a Christian in word only? Or do you want a Christian whose life is shaped by his/her faith? Of course, the answer to this question is in response to how you are living your life of faith.
Here are some statements of faith which I have written for others and what I like or love about them. Use any pieces of these to create your own sentence or two.
- I’m serious about my faith and looking for someone who is as well. (Solid faith statement but I’m not sure it “attracts” me.)
- Would love to have someone special to share in my passion of getting to know God better and sharing His wonders and promises with. I love talking about advances in science and how they continually point to God’s power. (This is a thinking person who sees God in all parts of life. You know you are going to have good conversations about God and faith with this person.)
- A great movie followed by some ethnic food is one of my favorite ways to spend a Saturday. The only thing that would make it better? Someone special to say grace with me over pad thai. (Clever. Endearing. Clear.)
- My faith is important to me. I am an active member at my church where I teach Sunday School for 3 to 5 year olds. This is my favorite thing to do. (Awwww. Faith is active and this person cares for children, other people’s children. Two awwwws.)
- I play the bass guitar and run the sound system at the church I attend. (A musician and a committed member of his/her church to be that involved. This also means that he/she is known by the church family so he/she is accountable to leadership and people in the church. This person is in a “safe” category because he/she is so visible at church. This sort of “safe” is good.)
- I love Jesus Christ for He has loved me first. Discovering that I am loved by Jesus is a part of my story. (Ooooo there is a story of grace here. Who isn’t drawn to a story of grace? Yes, this person may have some past baggage but a person who is actively living in God’s grace is one who is actively living for God in real and tangible ways and that is attractive. No stuffy dry faith here.)
- I am working on growing my relationship with God every day. (Bold statement, especially the every day part. I see that this person is real about his/her faith because it is about daily decisions, even the daily decision to be on an online dating site.)
- People say I’m quiet natured but I’m actually a good listener. I’m hoping that my faith is evident by how I treat others. (I want this kind of friend in my life, even if I don’t date him/her. He/she told you that he/she is on the quiet side and why so I trust that he/she will treat me well even if the coffee date isn’t a match.)
- A quote from a Christian book that has inspired you and a sentence why. (This tells me that you read and that you read to grow your faith. Who the author is also tells me a lot about you. Maybe you could fake this by quoting Ravi Zaccharias or some other heady Christian thinker so I think you are that heady of a person too. Maybe you could go popular on this and quote C. S. Lewis. Or maybe you could go clever and quote something profound from a Christian novel. What author you choose does tell me a lot about you. Your sentence as to why tells me a lot about your faith.)
- I like music like Lecrae and Bethel and I’m not afraid to sing some Disney from time to time. (I read this originally on a guy’s profile. Awwww. If you are a woman making this statement it is not the same. But coming from a guy? Attractive plus I know his music tastes which affect his faith.)
More practical tips to help you write your profile:
Keep your paragraphs to 3 or 4 sentences in length. Some clever editing will help you tell your story but not ramble too much. When you are scrolling through other people’s profiles you will notice that some are a sentence or two and some are one paragraph. You will also notice that you most often scroll right past those. So yours being several paragraphs of 3 to 4 sentences in length is a good thing.
Why do you need a paragraph? Because there is a difference between “I love to have fun” and “I love having fun. My ideal weekend includes bowling, a Netflix binge and pancakes.” This is not everyone’s idea of fun but it is yours and it describes you.
Be clever and unique. This will take some work and this will cause you some stress. Put the work in. Edit and edit and edit. Have your team help you. The effort will be worth it. I read this sentence in a profile and it did catch my attention, “I pay my own bills, I have a car, I wear clothes that match and I love my family.” The cleverness and uniqueness paid off. You can find this for you. Use your friends to help.
Beware of cliché profile. Don’t say you like walks on the beach and wine tasting. You probably do because who doesn’t. But you are more than a cliché and this is definitely a cliché. Describe yourself out of the cliché. If you love travelling say where your favorite place is and why (again, 3 to 4 sentences). Is your favorite place Malaysia? Is your favorite place Iowa? Two different pictures there, right? Neither are wrong but one is more descriptive of you. By the way, every time I see wine tasting in a profile I scroll right out of it.
Picture choices are important. This is going to cause some stress too but it is the right kind of stress. Choose pictures that show you in action in your life. Do you play guitar in your worship band? Show a picture of that, even if your face is not centered. Are you a master gardener? Show a picture of a garden you’ve created. Mostly you do want to post pictures of you being the center point. There are some exceptions when you also include pictures that show the action of your life.
Choose pictures of what the other would be doing if he/she got to spend time with you. If you like going to baseball games, post a pic of you at a baseball game. If you like drinking a lot on the weekends, post a picture of you at a bar. Advice: Don’t message someone with that picture so don’t you be that picture. This could also be a picture of you at a wine tasting which would be a double don’t. There is that wine tasting cliché again and it makes you look like you like drinking a lot.
Maybe post one selfie of you. Maybe. A selfie says you have no friends to take a picture of you and/or you are one of those vain selfie takers. Do not message anyone who has a bathroom selfie in his/her profile.
Feel free to state that you are looking for a relationship. This does not make you appear needy. This tells others that you are ready for a good match. And separates you from those who aren’t.
No LOLs anywhere on your profile.
Be honest and spellcheck. Duh.
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