When Online Dating Sites are Really Self Esteem Boosters

This may be why people you message do not respond to your message or wink or smile.  Even if you have a simple message to respond to, which you should. The thrill for this type of person was that someone found him/her matchable or attractive.

That is quite the satisfying feeling, isn’t it?  Even if this is not why you have braved up and put yourself on a dating site. It still is nice to get that wink. You get that self esteem boost. There are many on these sites who use these sites just for that self esteem boost. Not really dateable material there. Just move on. None of this behavior is about you.

You are enough. So go on. Write a bio that reflects who you are (read here). Use that natural-looking snap of you as your profile picture. Add those pics of you and your friends and family that say “this is who I am.” Write a general first message that surmises you safely as well as gives an entry point for someone to respond back. Stay in the vulnerability of this dating adventure.  And most importantly, don’t turn this online dating adventure into your approval from others.  Appreciate the smiles.  Don’t think something is wrong with you when you are not messaged back.  And keep on checking out profiles.  None of this changes the truth that you are enough—and a great match.

A great match worth finding. Online dating sites are simply a way to get your numbers up of meeting eligible people to maybe be found by someone your current circles are not introducing you to. They are not a measure of your matchability. Pulease! There are too many self esteem needy people on there to be that. Don’t be one of those either.


P.S. I was forwarded this actual conversation from a guy I am coaching. I’d coached him to always reply to a message, even a short decline, because I know too many women who have wondered why men never message back. He messaged back this woman who sent him several messages and didn’t have a photo on her profile. He did the brave and vulnerable thing and got this:

Her:  hi

Him:  Hey

Her:  What are u doing?

Him:  watching Conan…what are you up to? I’m still looking for a photo from you

Her:  watching something else

Him:  any news on a photo?

Her:  u are so smart – there is no “photo” and there is no “news” on it again either

Him:  I see that. But you keep talking about a connection. A picture is a big help.

Her:  thank u again for asking about it and u have yet to tell of the connection u look for

Him:  I have told you many times. I’m looking for someone who has my back. I want to be attracted to their mind, soul and spirit.

Her:  do u wish to know what i am watching

Him:  Yep

Her:  or is it all about u and not about what i asked

Him:  I figured when I told you what I was watching you’d tell me. I shouldn’t have to ask.

Her:  so far u want the universe so there will never be a way for u to become aware of what it is u want
so there is not gonna be a way to know if it is here forget connection awareness – that is way to beyond u or what u can dialog about
good nite mr vague and confused

Oh dear. Do you see why you can’t allow any of the craziness on online dating define your dateability? You’ve got to let this crazy stuff go. But also remember that 1 out of 3 couples do meet online. The risk is minimal if you can be called “Mr. Vague and Confused” and let it go. My friend did…gladly.

(Photo credit:  https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:D23_Expo_2013_-_Gaston_%26_Sugar_Rush_Racers_(9493697378).jpg)

Read the book

A small book about being the people that hurting people need.

“This is the book that I wish I had had for people in my life that have suffered and needed me to be that compassionate friend. This is the book that I wish others in my life had read before they dismissed my pain, or compared it to theirs, or stumbled horribly through trying to lessen my pain because it was actually really about THEM not feeling comfortable with it.”

Order here: https://bravester.com/new-book-from-bravester/