Let’s start with this truth: Disappointment hurts in ways we carry for a long time.

We are big fans of hope here at Bravester. Because hope always requires vulnerability. Wishes don’t require vulnerability. The reality is you may be let down or worse yet—crushed because of hope. Being crushed is something you never forget. So to risk being crushed again makes hope evasive. It is safer not to hope. It is safer to beat vulnerability to the punch and strive to control your surroundings.

Do you ever find yourself keeping your hope for “safe things?”

Do you see why you do that now? You don’t really trust God so you don’t want to become vulnerable to God and risk that disappointment again. Truth is hope is not nebulous and ethereal gifted to us from God. We can’t easy button our hope to God. Hope is something we have a part of when we find our Plan B. Plan A is us hanging on to what we believe is “supposed to” happen and being crushed when things didn’t work out. Plan B is having the tenacity to revise my “supposed to” because deep down I know I’m worthy of having something good happen to me.  Hope is a function of struggle—my struggle that I’m worthy to stumble through and overcome.

Plan A hope is what leads to our disappointments. Hopelessness leads us to make our Plan Bs (or Plan Ms—keeping it real).

Hopelessness doesn’t sound brave. Yet it is a part of a brave life. Hopelessness is a part of making your Plan B. It is not a lack of faith.  Plan B is born from resilience–and that sounds brave and full of faith.

Hope can keep you going. But misplaced hope can keep you going…in the wrong direction. This is where disappointment hijacks your life.

So how do you know when to keep hoping—and when to let go? This is what we call the hope paradox, and it’s one of the hardest things to discern spiritually and emotionally. Negotiating the hope paradox is one of the factors that separates the truly great and successful people from those who aren’t.

Let’s make this personal:

• When do you need to face the music and admit that a situation, a relationship, or a job isn’t going to turn around?
• When is it wise to keep hoping and persevering…and when is it time to stop?
• Is that relationship, dream, or job bearing fruit or just draining you?
• Is there movement, growth, healing—or just a repeat of old patterns?
• Is God nudging you forward, or are you holding on to what you wish could happen?

Admitting that something is truly beyond your control—or broken beyond your ability to fix—is not failure. It’s actually one of the bravest steps you can take.

When you let go of false hope:

• It frees you from pretending to be stronger than you are.
• It steals shame’s power to keep you stuck.
• It breaks the isolation that grows in silent suffering.
• And most importantly, it repositions your heart to receive comfort and wisdom from God.

There’s a maturity—and even a spiritual strength—in being able to say, “This isn’t working, and I’m not going to pretend it is.”

Here’s the paradox: When you let yourself get hopeless about what’s not working, you restore hope to your life.

Your brave decision builds new confidence. It restores energy. It frees you to hope again—but this time in something that can grow, something that can be redeemed.

This is a deeply spiritual moment. You don’t have to be a Christian to practice this discernment, but as believers, we have a secret weapon: the Holy Spirit. The Spirit helps us tell the difference between stubborn hope and Spirit-led resilience. Between blind optimism and wise surrender.

So here is the difficulty: how do you know when more perseverance is needed because there truly is hope for something or someone to turn around? And vice versa, how do you know that the worst thing you could do is give it more time?


My Bravester wisdom for you: Ask the hard questions. Ask these questions with your Life Team/gift of people.

• Is this relationship, this collaboration, this hope I’m carrying actually bearing any fruit?
• Is it producing peace, trust, shared values—or just emotional drain?
• Have I been giving time and energy to something that just keeps taking without any sign of growth?
• Is there something beautiful still in the soil?
• Is there repentance? Movement? A reason to keep the perseverance?

A second chance is not a repeat of the first chance. A second chance is a moving forward to something new. There must be something new and different. If everything’s the same, you are repeating what already has been, and there is no reason to think the outcome will be different.

If you’re thinking about going back—whether to a relationship, a partnership, a situation—make sure you’re actually moving forward, not just looping back into something that hasn’t changed. Your gift of people will help you discern this.

Don’t go back just to relive what once was. Don’t go back simply because you or someone else feels sorry. That might be a starting place, but it’s not a solid reason to return. Nostalgia isn’t enough. Missing the good parts doesn’t mean the whole thing is good again.

And easing your pain—temporarily—is not the same as healing.

If you go back, something must be different. There must be real change—either in you, in the other person, or in the situation itself. Otherwise, you’re not going forward. You’re just returning to more of the same, hoping for your wishes to come true.

Do not let hope go to waste because your desire for something is misplaced, or your fear of ending something is too strong. Hope is grounded in discernment, wisdom, and spiritual strength. So ask the questions. Grieve what didn’t work. Let go of false hope. And then, when something new is planted, hope again—bravely, vulnerably, spiritually.