Deciding to live vulnerable with God
* A little ending that fits on almost any word to increase its cool factor.
Deciding to live vulnerable with God
* A little ending that fits on almost any word to increase its cool factor.
This is a blog about brave dating. One could assume that everyone who is reading it is brave and has a full life of dating and friendships. That would be nice if everyone was that way. But a real truth that is screaming at you right now is you are lonely. You are not alone in that loneliness. Christmas season has a way of increasing that loneliness with every Kay Jeweler and every Jared Jeweler commercial there is on TV. There are so many of those stupid commercials to remind you over and over again that you don’t have that special someone. Because of loneliness, Christmas is a season of dread for you. You are able to find joy here and there but deep down, you feel the dread. Have there been times in your life when you have done one of these things out of loneliness? Put up with behavior that is disrespectful of you Given in to behavior that are not in accordance with your values Settled for less than you really desire or need Stayed in a relationship that you know has passed its deadline Gone back into a relationship that you know should be over Got […]
In keeping with my yearly tradition, here’s my take on God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen. Merry Christmas! Watch the Video below…
Ponder these beautiful and challenging words from Ann Voskamp’s The Broken Way. (I’m more than half way through the book!) This is what I know right then: the world is broken-hearted and full of suffering, and if you listen to what life needs instead of what you need from it, you could fill the brokenness with your own broken-hearted love—and this will in turn fill you. What if you were not afraid? P. 88 I can fill the brokenness that surrounds me with my own broken-hearted love and my life is full. It is. I have story after story. Picture after picture. Like this one. You believe me now, right?! (Don’t you want to know the story of this picture?!) Which has me singing “Beautiful Things” from Gungor. (Note: I’m singing to myself which is for the good of everyone, especially if you know about the Seefeldt singing genes.) All this pain I wonder if I’ll ever find my way I wonder if my life could really change, at all All this earth Could all that is lost ever be found? Could a garden come out from this ground, at all? You make beautiful things You make beautiful things out […]
Back when I was dating and single (now I am dating and am married to my love of a lifetime), this was never a conversation to be had. My life was not connected together with password access. That was just a statement about how old I am. These days when to share passwords is a boundary you must define because your life is connected together with password access. Granting access to your password life is a vulnerability—one that should be approached wisely. So here are some much-discussed-with-wise-people boundaries you can glean from as you have to make these boundaries for your own life. In general, your social security number, driver’s license ID, and anything like that are forever off-limits. Until you are married. But then you will most likely forget those numbers and need to ask your spouse again and again what those numbers are. Email – On your wedding day (but it is okay to wait until you return from the honeymoon). Email is the story of your life. You “talk” to your family and friends here. You also email customer service questions but remember that this is the place you share your life with trusted people. This isn’t […]
The very thing we are afraid of, our brokenness, is the door to our Father’s heart. –Paul Miller That is the opening line in the first chapter of Ann Voskamp’s new book, The Broken Way: A Daring Path into the Abundant Life. Doesn’t this book sound like me?! I am pondering every bit of it. I am broken-hearted. When my husband John and I meet new people, we are often asked the question, “Do you have any kids?” Why yes we do—but there comes a story with that. This is the story that defines us. When we tell that story, we are often verbally praised for being a part of such a wonderful story. It is a wonderful story. I love them more than I knew I could love someone. But our reality is the warm story is not over. We still live in the midst of heartbreak. I’m not sure when my kids will ever truly live in abundant living that their professed faith promises them. They still have a lot to overcome. There are generational curses involved. There are soul ties involved. There are “crabs in a pot” relationships involved–still. We live in the hope we see for […]
Just an idea. I have never put this idea into practice yet. I’m not even sure of the practics of how to do this idea yet. But I thought it was worthy to pass on and I do plan on adding this to my coaching opportunities. There is something here. Again, I’ve got to give credit where credit is due. I got this idea from Dr. Henry Cloud from his book, Necessary Endings. Somehow and at some time (this is part of the practics I have yet to figure out), ask the one you are dating for a credit report and the last two years of tax returns. You now see why there are some things to work out with this idea. But this is why. And it is important. This is a means to learn about his/her character. Get this loud and clear. A love for a lifetime is not about how much money one makes. That is not what this is about at all! This is about this person’s past and how he or she has responded. The credit report will give you a peek into how he/she has fulfilled other promises he/she has made to people who […]
Daring here is not an adjective of God. Here it is a verb. Do you ever dare God? Would you ever dare God? Are you brave enough to dare God? I dare you to. I dare you to dare God. Click To Tweet Forrest Gump is a real person. His real name is Jimbo Meador. I know this because my husband John had dinner with him. The inventor of the game of paintball (John’s career) is a childhood friend of Jimbo. I say this only as a brag moment. That is a braggadocious way to segway about one of the scenes from the movie, Forrest Gump. I don’t know if Lieutenant Dan was real or not (or if Jenny was real or not) because John didn’t ask such questions at his unexpected dinner with Jimbo. Jimbo just dropped in for dinner with his childhood friend. John just happened to be there. Thus John unexpectedly had dinner with the real Forrest Gump. The scene is when the hurricane blew in. Lieutenant Dan made himself vulnerable to God during that hurricane. He let out all of his anger. And then he found peace. God can take all of your anger. Yes, really. All […]
This is an article I found back in January 2011 that I have used quite a bit in my brave dating coaching. The lightbulb went off and I thought I should share it with you too. I found it originally in the Youthworker Journal, a publication I have written quite a bit for (that was a brag). I want to give full credit and I am simply copy-and-pasting this as this is what I’ve done for the past five years. Today my only brilliance is passing this article on to you–and a quote I’ve included in the end. A quote you may want to post on your mirror. Your brilliance will be applying what you learn here to your relationship. _______________________ The Top 10 Excuses You Make to Stay in a Bad Relationship and the Reason Why You Should Stop Making Them Excuse #1: I’d rather settle for him than be alone. What’s wrong with being single? You’re not alone (Hebrews 13:5). For real! Christians, you are totally complete in Christ, lacking nothing (Colossians 4:12)! If you are settling for an unhealthy relationship just to have a warm body near, you are missing the amazing indescribable intimacy God offers you; […]
The struggle of living a life of faith is real! Yes, I know my identity in Christ. I know the grace that is ever present in my life. This I have also learned–I must live in vulnerability to grow my faith. Yes, there is that word again. Vulnerability. I cannot repeat myself enough because I have learned this. Vulnerability is really a position of strength. Yes, I know, vulnerability also puts you at risk at having your heart broken, or even smashed. There is risk in vulnerability. But living a life of faith with vulnerability is worth it every time. I can do it because I trust the Promiser. I’ve learned to trust the Promiser by putting myself in daring (i.e. vulnerable) positions. Yes, I’ve had my heart smashed but I also know know know that God is with me. If we are afraid to live in our vulnerability, we try to make everything that is uncertain to be certain. This includes our faith. Faith needs to be certain so you do everything you can to keep God in a box. The God you serve fits into all of your “supposed to’s.” “I love God so my life is supposed […]
I’ve been coaching a great young lady through a relationship. She has really tried to make it work. She has contorted herself quite a bit to make it work (against my coaching). The relationship nearly ended last March but some decisions were made to give them a “restart.” Then in September they nearly ended again but for the first time they were honest with each other about some of the bad foundational issues they began this relationship on. Now they are both trying again. This relationship is still going to end. I can make that declaration solidly and this is why. Yet again I go to Dr. Henry Cloud for my wisdom as a Brave Dating Coach. In his book, Necessary Endings, (read it!!!) he inadvertently put together a list of “proofs” to help you know if the person who is repeatedly saying he/she is sorry truly is going to change this time. This is a tough list. This is a real list. Use this list to help you see the truth about this relationship. Use this list so you can stop lying to yourself and contorting yourself to make this relationship work. Use this list to know if the […]
Brenda has been teaching the messages of Bravester for over 25 years. She is available to come to your group event. People have found her vulnerability and storytelling mixed with the Bible to be inspirational and life changing.
“You have had a significant influence on how I view brokenness, forgiveness, and the role God plays through all of that through a very difficult time in my life. Since that year at CRC, I have taken significant steps to getting bitterness out of my heart… You have had a significant impact on my life. I really do not think I would be the woman I am today if it were not for the lessons you taught me. You are a strong instrument of God and his word.” –Sara, former camp counselor and now inner-city missionary
Brenda can be joined by her husband John. They have a back-and-forth dialog that mixes in John’s beautifully written music. John is also available to lead worship for the event.
From Brenda’s 35 years of youth ministry experience, she has become a Brave Dating Coach. She has a lot of good things to say to help her many grown teens be coached into marriage. She is also available to teach on these many good things for your group event.