This is a good question. How do you want to be remembered? And I’m not talking about your funeral.
Since you hopefully will be going on many coffee dates, how do you want to be remembered after one of those coffee dates? How do you want that other person to remember you? This may or may not lead to a second date. That is not the question at hand. How do you want this person to remember you?
That is your assignment for right now. Take out whatever you use to journal and write this stuff down. Here are some questions to get you started:
- What parts of me do I value that I want this other person to know first off?
- How will I communicate my values?
- How will I describe my faith?
- Will my actions on this coffee date equal how I describe my faith?
- What about my present life is open to be talked about?
- How much of my past will I tell this other this early?
- How will I leave this coffee date with a bit of mystery so the other does want to find out more about me?
This last question can also shape any relationship you get into. As you are learning and growing in a relationship, keep this question in the back of your mind. The two of you may or may not break up. It is too early to know that yet. How do you want to be remembered if you do break up? That question alone may steer you out of some crazy controlling behaviors you’ve used in the past to hang on to unhealthy relationships. Hopefully the answers to that question while in a relationship are similar to the answers to that question after a coffee date. Are they?
This journaling exercise is a good Brave Dating Practice. Remember that Brave Dating is dating to discover who you are. Who you journal here is who you truly want to be in a relationship. You get to flesh out that person on coffee dates. Once “that” person is seen (the true you), you will attract that love for a lifetime. (Not immediately though. Attraction is a matter of the mysterious. Reminds me of this Proverb, “There are three things that amaze me–no, four things that I don’t understand: how an eagle glides through the sky, how a snake slithers on a rock, how a ship navigates the ocean, how a man loves a woman.” Proverbs 30:18-19.)
Hopefully putting this you on paper (or e-journal or whatever), will help you stay within these boundaries on coffee dates and in relationships. This will hopefully prevent you from becoming someone else to finagle a second date. Or from becoming someone else to keep the other. Or from becoming someone else to repel the other. Hopefully this will help you be seen on that coffee date–and how delightful that will be because you are delightful.
Thought: Wouldn’t it be nice to be remembered as the one who got away?
Note: This does not guarantee that the other on this coffee date is a healthy person. You may have accepted a coffee date with a crazy person that you and your team did not discern properly. This is the risk involved. But even this person should be able to remember you as who you want to be remembered.
Note: After you’ve prayed and journaled the answer to this question, don’t forget to share it with your team. There is not much they should add to this. This is about you, not what they think of you. But let your team know so they can also see you. It is more insight for them as they continue to pray with you and be with you through this. Yeah team!