That is a dependent statement.

I hate being dependent.

But I’m so tired. I’m so tired of trying to be enough.

I’m learning that on my own I am not enough. I find myself striving to be enough because certainly there is something I can do. I think there is a way for me to control my outcome. Striving has kept me distracted and exhausted and empty.

Faith in a savior who isn’t me doesn’t give me that control of my outcome. But it does invite me into a much larger story. A story that actually awakens my soul. (This awakening feeling is so opposite of the feeling of being so tired from trying to be enough.) My awakened soul sings that this is who I have always been.

How can I feel enough when I decide to be dependent on a Savior? This doesn’t make sense.

Let’s say you are trying to be a good person. As a good person you only sin once a day–only one, probably some small “slip up” every day. Does this sound reasonable?

If that is so, then you will commit 365 sins a year. If you live to be 16, that is 5,840 sins. (Is your age now 16?)

Say you really didn’t start sinning until you were 6 years old, then that is still 3,650 sins to carry. And this is only up to the age of 16. So you are not 16. Let’s average your age to 40, starting to sin at age 6. If you sin once a day the total is now 13,140.

This total is if you just sin once during a day. This doesn’t count for those bad days that you have. 

Can a good person with the minimum of 13,140 sins make it into heaven with those sins unforgiven?

What do we do with our sins? We try to cover the sins? We try to deny the sins? We try to be better? We add the striving of good works to balance this imbalance?

So many religions—as well as so many relationships—require that of you. It is never enough.

Yet we have a Savior who is willing to forgive us of those sins. This is his very heartbeat. After the oft-quoted Romans 3:23 (For everyone has sinned; we all fall short of God’s glorious standard.) we have vv. 24-25: 

v, 24 – Yet God, in his grace, freely makes us right in his sight. He did this through Christ Jesus when he freed us from the penalty for our sins. (What?!!!! From all 13,140 of them?!)

v. 25-  For God presented Jesus as the sacrifice for sin. People are made right with God when they believe that Jesus sacrificed his life, shedding his blood. This sacrifice shows that God was being fair when he held back and did not punish those who sinned in times past,

This is God being fair. We think to get what our sins deserve is being fair. But not in God’s world. Being fair is your redemption. Who loves you like that?

That sort of open-handed love also means that you may continue to sin all that you want. There are natural repercussions for your sin such as health issues and relationship issues but you can keep on in your sins. Until you make the dependent decision that you need a Savior. This dependent decision means I am now enough.

How can this be?

This requires me to act in faith. To do good works is something in my control. To strive is something in my control. This requires me to say I’m dependent on a Savior. A Savior who loves me fairly.

This is the movement of God. To make beautiful things out of the dust. And out of us. This is God being fair to us. Because we are so loved.

As for me, I am in need of this Savior. And I’m glad that savior isn’t me.

Photo by Raychan on Unsplash