Romance is not dead. It has never been dead. Despite all of the whining you may have heard. If you have found romance again, it’s not because romance has become a “thing” again. It’s not because you are finally with someone who knows what romance is. It’s’ because you have stopped contorting yourself to make a non-match relationship work.

Romance is rarely about gift-giving, spendy restaurants with ambience that makes both of you glow, and sweet poetry written for you by text message. Romance is the awakening of the heart. Romance makes you feel connected to someone in a deeper way, definitely past friendship. Romance is the gestures, both big and small, that make you feel especially pursued, wooed and cherished by your other.

This is why you have declared romance to be dead. In your past relationships, you have accepted half-assed moral behaviors and half-assed faith commitments. You have even justified why this person is the way he/she is! You have justified (despite what your gut is telling you) that this person is good enough for you. You have compromised your soul to keep this one—all in the name of love. No wonder romance is dead. Your heart is not being awakened because you are continually protecting it from the real life disappointment your boy/girlfriend actually is. Your boy/girlfriend is not trying to connect with you because you are the one doing all of the work in the relationship. You are not the recipient of romantic gestures because he/she is not pursuing, wooing, or cherishing you.

You are the reason that romance has been dead. Because you have accepted this bad match to be the one for you. Because you have justified that this non-romantic relationship is enough for you.

Romance is a part of brave dating. And you get to be in it when you use your discerner ((part-brain, part-instinct, and part-Holy-Spirit) lead you into a healthy match. Oh the fun that dating can be!

Romance also continues into marriage, by the way. Those gestures of still pursuing, wooing and cherishing me continue the romance. It didn’t start in marriage. The wedding wasn’t the biggest romantic gesture John ever gave me. (Some couples actually believe a wedding is a romantic gesture.) It started in dating and continues. This is why I know it is also more than gift-giving. John has only given me flowers once in 25 years. It was around our 2nd or 3rd date. A blurry time for me but I got flowers. Which set up an expectation that I would get flowers again at some point. Ummmm…

May romance come into your life. May you find that healthy match for you that is also full of romantic gestures, both now and into your love for a lifetime. May hand-holding always give you the tingles.

(photo credit:  Pexels.com)