The Being Single at Christmas Rant
What’s wrong with me?
Is there something in me I need to fix?
Is there something about my type I need to figure out?
Am I attracted to the wrong types?
Am I afraid of intimacy?
If you just stop looking you’ll find the person? How do I do that?
Engage with life and pursue your dreams.
If you pursue your dreams you will meet the right person. Then you both can pursue God and make the triangle.
If you are both looking at God you will run into each other because you are both pursuing God together.
You are attractive to people with chemistry you are familiar with but it is not necessarily good for you so there is this problem that you know you are not going to be with them but there is this attraction to the wrong people so let’s reframe what your context of people you like.
So now you are dating new people and the new person is supposed to be this different person I’m attracted to but this new person is not interesting to me. I’m not connecting. I’m bored. I miss dating the disasters but at least I’m interested—before everything blows up.
This is the brain thinking of what single people go through. It is a mad cycle. And too often a shaming cycle. It takes a lot to keep your brain out of the soup and just live your life whole.
Then you get to hear this “advice” (see above, the same advice that already rolls around inside your own brain) from your friends. Often married friends. Sometimes an article from this great resource called Brave Dating (guilty). You say “I hear you, I tried. Go away.” It is joyless. It is exhausting.
And now it is the Christmas season. The soup gets thicker.
There are cute (and sappy) Christmas movies to trigger you.
There are way too many jewelry commercials. These add to the romantic stories you have inside your brain and are so frustrated (and maybe angry too) that here is another Christmas and you don’t get to make this Christmas memory yet.
Or you are still waiting to start this Christmas tradition you’ve been dreaming about since you were a hopeful teenager.
You find yourself daydreaming of the day when your spouse will surprise you with a new car with a bow on top. Until you think it through and realize how angry you would be that your spouse spent that much money out of your budget without it being a joint conversation and you realize you would be super angry.
Thankfully common sense is still leading your brain through the Christmas season. The soup is thicker but you are wiser when you allow your brain to wander all the way through to the truth.
Why are you single?
Married people seem to no longer have to answer for their relationship status. People rarely ask “why are you married?” But they have no problem asking you, “Why are you single?” Can’t that question be flipped? Shouldn’t that question be flipped? In a polite society, there’s an understanding that inquiring about the reason two people marry is inappropriate. But you as a single is not afforded that privacy. Instead you have to answer this relatively rude question. Like something is wrong with you and they are curious—and can ask you that.
Which is why so many singles dread the Christmas parties and family gatherings. This is a rude question. Unless you are talking to that cute single guy (or gal) and he says to you “why are you single?” because he is really asking, “how can such a great person like you be single still? Lucky me.”
Then there is your family Christmas letter and photo. There you are as this odd part of your family. We are all Emily.
This is why you decide to live your life to the full bravely following after Jesus. Now, even during the Christmas season. Because you just never know how God may surprise you.
Every day is a possibility. Especially when you are living your life whole. You are alluring (in that cute Christmas sweater) because of your independence and freedom, because you know who you are. You are not defined by a relationship. You are brave enough to hear other people’s “advice” and still know you are okay. You see yourself even as the soup thickens. You are making every minute of your single life count for the glory of God.
Merry Christmas to you! You are a worthy match–as you wear that cute Christmas sweater.
(photo credit: https://www.thebalanceeveryday.com/diy-ugly-christmas-sweater-ideas-4172412)
Read the book
A small book about being the people that hurting people need.
“This is the book that I wish I had had for people in my life that have suffered and needed me to be that compassionate friend. This is the book that I wish others in my life had read before they dismissed my pain, or compared it to theirs, or stumbled horribly through trying to lessen my pain because it was actually really about THEM not feeling comfortable with it.”
Order here: https://bravester.com/new-book-from-bravester/