The Continuous Talk About “The Talk”

This is about “that talk.” The one every parent needs to have with their teen. Except I am of the belief that you need to have it more than once. It is more helpful. And it is easier. (Yes, I did say that.)

Here is a big tip I have learned: Take advantage of that taxi drive time when it is just you and you’re your teen to talk about this stuff. The car drive offers a limited time commitment. The drive is only so many miles long so your teen’s guard may be down a bit when he/she realizes that he/she only has to endure this awkwardness for 5 miles. Plus on the car drive, you are not awkwardly sitting face-to-face. You are side-by-side chatting about these must-talk-about values.

Do you get it?

Here are some questions you can drop during one car drive:

  • Why do you think our culture is so obsessed with sex?
  • What are the kids at school saying about sex?  What do you think about that?  How does that make you feel? 
  • What do you want to know that they haven’t told you or you don’t understand? 
  • Have any of your friends had sex yet? If yes, what have you learned from them?
  • What do you imagine sex will be like?  How do you expect to feel after you have sex for the first time? 
  • What are your hopes, fears, concerns, and wishes about sex? 
  • How will you know that the time and person are right? 
  • What will give you clues that the time or person is not right?
  • Have you ever viewed porn yet? What did you learn? (Put words on the devaluing of women, the devaluing of intimacy, and the human trafficking element so mystery and intrigue is never attached to porn.)

Remember for you too that this is a limited conversation. You’ve only got 5 miles to endure. Or just 5 miles to not freak out. You’ve got only 5 miles til you get home and can run into the bathroom and get on your knees and pray your heart out to God asking for wisdom. Which is a great prayer because you now know how to pray better—and parent better—because you dared to have this 5-mile conversation with your beloved. And you will have the guts to do it again. To know how to pray and parent again. And soon it will get easier. Somewhat.

Remember that parenting is not to be comfortable but transformational. You’ve got this.

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