When Trusting God Isn’t Enough – A Worship Leader’s Struggle with Songs About Trust
I love songs like Trust In You and Thy Will Be Done, I really do. I’ve sung both of these songs in worship at my church. I love the thought that when God doesn’t seem to hear our prayers, thoughts and concerns, that He knows better than we do and He is watching out for us. I love knowing that God sees the big picture and He will never leave or forsake us. But sometimes that just isn’t enough. Sometimes trusting God isn’t enough for me. Sometimes “Thy” will doesn’t seem to take into consideration that “my” will got crushed.
Hearing that still, small voice and following His leading has left me in a bad spot more than once. In fact there have been several times that I have felt hurt or betrayed by God. “God You sent me down this path and you didn’t make good on Your word.” I have said this kind of thing more than a few times to God. “God You told me to start this business, or take this job, or buy this thing and it ended badly again.” Sound familiar? “God if You want me to trust You maybe You shouldn’t drag this good soldier through the mud again.” Yep, I’ve spoken those words before.
But I always come back. Maybe I just like to wrestle more of the story out of God. Maybe the DNA He put in my doesn’t allow me to be dragged through the mud without an explanation. Maybe I feel like a puppet when I’m led blindly down the path of wasted months or years. Or maybe I feel like God likes me to ask questions. Maybe it’s all of these things and more.
I do know this much, asking God to tell me why I ended up “here” again usually ends up with me learning something about myself I didn’t know. When I press God for answers He gives me more. Sometimes I even feel like the mud had a purpose I didn’t see until I asked and asked and asked again. When I don’t settle for silence I seem to get truth. And that is why I believe that He will never leave or forsake me. Because in my moments of questioning why I follow this God He reveals more of who He is. He doesn’t have to but He does. And that’s why I trust and that’s why I can sing Thy Will Be Done.
If you need Biblical precedence for questioning God or wrestling with Him how about a quick read of Genesis 22:32, a telling of the most famous wrestling match in history. Here Jacob wrestles with God all night and refuses to let go until God blesses him, and of course He did just that. And then there are the disciples who routinely doubted and questioned Jesus even after seeing Him perform miracles. Thomas, the skeptic (I like that word more than doubter) who didn’t believe anything he didn’t first see, even got his own special resurrection appearance from Jesus, John 20:27. And there are many more.
So I say to you, don’t walk away hurt. Ask God why you hurt. He wants to give you the answer. He wants you to learn and grow and persevere. Most of all He wants you to thrive, not merely to survive.
John Amodea is the worship leader at his home church, song writer and producer. He is a trained musician playing professionally since 1974. He is also Brenda’s husband and a “big deal” in the paintball culture.
(Photo credit: Elaine Casap, https://unsplash.com/?photo=82gJggDId-U)
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