The answer is really an easy one. This is the rule.
When what you are sharing has no impact on your identity that you are growing.
You don’t know if this date is a match or not—yet. But you’ve got someone who is giving you undivided attention and that is a wonderful gift. You’re with someone who wants to know who you are. And you’ve got the stories to tell that person about who you are. You have lots of stories. So many stories that you don’t need to be telling the stories that will vulnerably expose you to this one who may or may not call you the next day.
The success or the failure of this date will not change your identity. It is just a date. So there is no reason to trust this attentive person with stories that will impact your identity. This person does not have the say in your life yet to hear the parts of you that need to be protected.
The rule is a simple one to remember. As it leads me to share also that oversharing is really a numbing behavior. It is you trying to control the outcome so you overshare to either get a shot of dopamine from attention or use it as your excuse as to why no one understands you so this excuse can keep you in your shame and living in your small world. You’ve got this interested and ready-made audience for you to overshare with.
Not appropriate. Not endearing. Please see it for the numbing behavior that it is and learn. Learn for the sake of your friends too.
This rule clearly means you should not be talking about your exes on these dates. You may have fresh ears to hear about your pain and that feels good. That break up has probably helped grow you into your identity on this date so there could be a fine print reason to share. Your date could ask you this very question because it is a way to discern what kind of a person you are. This is all you should say about your past relationships–keep the stories short and to the facts. Much later when you are actually in a relationship (that must include vulnerability) can you share the gory and gutty details of how your past relationships have made you who you are.
For that date you have so many stories of you to share. So many wonderful stories of you being the hero. So many stories about this adventurous life you are trying to lead. Trust me, those are enough and those are endearing for this date. You are already attractive and you have plenty of stories to share that will tell this one why.
And that will be a full date experience. Without regrets.
(photo credit: Rawpixil.com)