Those dreamy words of “I do” are made up of two words. Duh. I’m sure there is a good blog in there about the word “do” when it comes to marriage. But there also is about the word “I”. To say “I do” you have to know who I is. Duh.
Yet too many people miss this duh thought. Too many have contorted themselves to find out if they are loveable. They have no idea who they are as they say “I do.”
I have an idea. Take yourself out on a date. You. Just you.
Find a beautiful, romantic quiet restaurant. Order fancy. Enjoy the ambience. In that ambience, answer these questions. Journal your answers. You may need to order dessert also to get through all of these. Go ahead and do it. You may also need to get coffee someplace. Go ahead and do that also. Try to do this all in one long reflective night.
Honestly ask yourself these questions:
1. How are my relationships with my family members?
2. Do any of those relationships need healing, forgiveness, or confrontation?
3. What are the positive values and traits I have learned from my family of origin? What are the negative ones?
4. What in my past has shaped me in a harmful way?
6. What are some words that describe me?
7. What are my talents, strengths, and skills?
8. How do I feel about my body?
9. What habits in my life are harmful or unhealthy?
10. How do I approach my interactions with others?
11. What situations make me feel the most defensive? Angry? Stressed?
12. How do I deal with and express my emotions?
13. What things do I think about the most? What things do I talk about the most?
14. Do I value myself? How would I describe my self-esteem?
15. Am I more of a listener or a talker? Do I need to work on either area?
16. What are some things I hope to accomplish? Am I on the right track? If not, what is holding me back?
17. What is on my bucket list?
18. How would I describe my spiritual life and personal relationship with God?
22. How have I grown spiritually over the past year? What has kept me from growing?
23. Where have I seen God at work in my life?
24. How much and how often do I communicate with God?
25. In what ways do I communicate with God?
26. What spiritual disciplines do I need to improve on?
27. In what areas of my life do I need God’s forgiveness?
28. In what areas of my life do I need to forgive yourself?
(This list is taken from True Love Dates by Debra Fileta, pp. 167-168, a book mentioned in our Resource section.)
Whew! That’s a lot, right? The goal of all this is not to fix yourself. That will happen as you and God walk together. You have a lifetime to do that. God is okay with an estimated 80 years to go through this process. Thankfully God gives us the grace of a lifetime to do this! The goal is to know who you are so you know who you are putting out there to date.
At the end of the evening, say “hi” to this person. And give this person a big hug. This person is brave. This person is worthy. This person knows who he/she is—flaws and all—and is ready to date.
Colossians 1:22 (NLT) – “Yet now he has reconciled you to himself through the death of Christ in his physical body. As a result, he has brought you into his own presence, and you are holy and blameless as you stand before him without a single fault.” This is possible for you!
(Photo credit: MorgueFile.com)