We’ve All Been Dumped Before

We’ve all been dumped before. At some time in your life you’ve had your heart broken by someone you loved. In one form or another, you are carrying that hurt with you into your next relationship.

I’ve been dumped. I still remember.

That hurt is part of your story now (sorry). That hurt has grown you. Will grow you. Hopefully it has grown you into a better and healthier person because you have learned how pain is your beginning.  

Being shown that you are expendable is terribly painful. It is also great information. Understanding this is a part of healing. What did you learn about yourself? What did you learn about what you want in a match? You are learning more about who you want a love for a lifetime match to be.

Being broken up with is universal. It happens to everyone. It is not just happening to you. We’ve all been there (sorry). You are not special in this pain. We all share it. We have all grown from it. Except for the ones who don’t want to grow.

You can’t escape the reality that the Bible teaches that suffering is not a unique experience. It’s not a strange experience. It’s not a surprising experience. It’s not an episodic experience. It is a universal experience.

Romans 8:18 Paul assumes the universality of suffering. That we will all suffer. Yet what we suffer now is nothing compared to the glory he will reveal to us later.

If you are not suffering now, you will someday. You are not exempt from pain. Even if you are a Christian. Thankfully God has hard-wired us for pain.

It does feel better to believe you are special in this pain though. It does hurt so much.

Breakups are silent losses. Like the pain is not all that real. Like there are others suffering more devastating pain than you are. You had a breakup but you didn’t lose a spouse. You don’t have cancer. You can pay your bills.

I’m telling you that I know the pain is real. You don’t need to compare it. It is simply real.

Because it hurts so much, fear is too often befriended instead. Like fear is going to protect you from getting hurt again. Fear only keeps you locked up in a small world. A small and unhappy world. It’s also not really that safe. And it certainly isn’t living bravely, vulnerably, bigly because you know deep in your soul that you are a worthy match. That you are worthy to be seen, to be loved, to be connected to. (You do know that right? That worthiness is your birthright? If not, we have some truth for you!)

Understandably there is a real struggle to trust again because there was once a match who believed and said the same things you knew and then one day decided you were no longer a good match. Sometimes this message was said kindly to me. Sometimes I was left in the dark and had to complete the ending story with my guesses. I spent many nights (too many) wondering what went wrong and why. I found myself making up stories in my head to explain why what he said didn’t equal how he ended things.

I’ve been hurt. You’ve been hurt. Again this is universal. We’ve been hurt. We’ve been smashed. We are not at the end of our story. We have the choice to heal. It is the brave choice because pain will be your beginning. You are in pain now so you are already at your beginning.

All of us who have grown are cheering you on because we know you will fall in love again. To a much better match this time. We know that from our perspective. Pain has taught us that.

You will trust again. You will love again. And someone will see you and be awed (complete with weak knees) and offer you a love for a lifetime. You will feel the most beautiful. I promise. Pain has taught me that.

(Photo credit; Pixabay.com)