I wrote this in follow up to my son:
I hope over all of this long long time you have grown your faith to become braver and braver. Faith and bravery do go together. Because life is a broken road of faith. It is hard. With God you have a chance to know that you are loved therefore you are worthy and valuable. You were purposed before you understood you were purposed.
Second, taking on a life of faith gives you direction to know how to live better and resist temptation. Temptations—with their immediate gratification–are attractive to people with pain and rage. Third, a Christian perspective is outward-focused vs. a victimhood perspective which is inward-focused. With the love of a God who pursues you it is hard to remain a victim to your life. You desire to overcome. That is so you. You desire to overcome.
There is this much-published Christian thinker N. T. Wright. He describes living our life out of our worthiness as virtue. “Virtue is what happens when someone has made a thousand small choices requiring effort and concentration to do something which is good and right, but which doesn’t come naturally. And then, on the thousand and first time, when it really matters, they find that they do what’s required automatically. Virtue is what happens when wise and courageous choices become second nature.”
Is this true of you: Kenneth is virtuous.
(Note: Especially consider the situation he’s been living in for the past 18 years when he made the thousand small choices.)
Despite the many bad things you have suffered through I hope you have continued to be so daring with God to ask him to heal you, move you, help you hold your anger, etc.
One more thought back to Peter. It didn’t take long–despite him being on the inside-to see how his shame shaped him. Of course this only became more public on the night Jesus was crucified and Peter denied Jesus three times because of this shame.
I don’t see shame being this crippler of you. I see you growing into a virtuous man who dares to ask for good things to happen to him.
Is this true of you: Can you put your name in this blank and say “_____________ is virtuous.”
You are worthy of good things happening to you.
Stop the shame messaging. Stop the scarcity thinking. I know, it is easier to write that and command that than to live that. Try. The truth is God has given you another day of life. What will you do with it? Will you vulnerably believe that something good could happen to you? This is such a brave thought. Of course it is because it is full of vulnerability.
Trust God. Dare to ask God to heal you, move you, and help you in those areas of your life that continually screw you up. You are worthy of good things happening to you.