Shame has a voice. If you’ve listened to it long enough, it begins to shape the way you live. It sounds something like this…

• I put up a wall like I don’t want to be bothered, but I think I do.
• I act like I’m okay when I’m not, so people won’t prey on my vulnerability.
• I refuse help from people so they won’t get close to me.
• I am acting like someone else fearing that people won’t like the happier, more innocent version of me.
• I pretend my relationship with my mother is better than it is.
• I show myself so little compassion for my own weakness.
• Having a continual sense of control is where I find peace.
• I am alone. I must scavenge for myself.
• I am abandoned, I am neglected, I am not chosen.
• I understand I have a place lovingly set at the table by Jesus, yet I linger outside scavenging for scraps, believing they are good enough.
• I will use performance and people pleasing to make myself more worthy, gain love, and feel safe.

Every one of those statements–and the one playing inside your head–has the same author: shame. They may sound like your own thoughts because you’ve heard them for years, but they are not the voice of God. They aren’t the truth either.

Shame is the voice that quietly narrates your life, interpreting every failure, every awkward moment, every disappointment as proof that something is fundamentally wrong with you.

Shame is the inner critic that keeps moving the finish line, convincing you that if you could just do a little more, be a little better, or hide a little longer, then you would finally be enough. Shame steals your peace by making you suspicious of love and afraid of being fully known. Over time, shame becomes so familiar that you mistake it for your own voice. But it isn’t your voice, and it certainly isn’t God’s.

God’s voice convicts so he can heal. Shame condemns so it can control.

Is this the voice inside your head?

Hello. Let’s start here. Shame lies.

The greatest lie shame ever tells is that it speaks for God. You are too shameful to receive God’s gracious love so you are happy to receive the crumbs of a distorted love.

God does not use shame to pursue you. God is not insecure that he needs to use shame to “power over” you to call you back.

I am pro-guilt and anti-shame. Guilt is the Holy Spirit twinging you to do better. It is part trained conscious and a lot Holy Spirit. Guilt says, “here is your moment to make that virtuous choice.” Shame is the monster that keeps you small. Shame is the fear of disconnection—it’s the fear that something you’ve done or failed to do, an ideal that you’ve not lived up to, or a goal that you’ve not accomplished makes you unworthy of connection.

I wish the words shame and guilt weren’t used so interchangeably as the same thing. Are you beginning to see the difference?

God does not pursue us with shame because shame is a tool of insecurity, not love. Shame is used to control, to manipulate, to power over, to force compliance. God has no need to manipulate us. God is not threatened by our confusion. God is not anxious that his purposes will fail. God is not so insecure that he must diminish our dignity to win our obedience. God is not fragile. Love is consensual and God is love.

I will prove this to you by giving you this story arc view of the Bible.

It begins in Genesis 3:7, At that moment their eyes were opened, and they suddenly felt shame at their nakedness. So they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves. What does God do? Genesis 3:21, And the Lord God made clothing from animal skins for Adam and his wife. This was done to cover their shame. God did something—this is the first time blood was shed—to cover their shame.

This is our beginning. Then we have all of these beautiful verses.

The Lord is compassionate and merciful, slow to get angry and filled with unfailing love. He will not constantly accuse us, nor remain angry forever. He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. Psalm 103:8-10

 “Fear not; you will no longer live in shame.  Don’t be afraid; there is no more disgrace for you. You will no longer remember the shame of your youth and the sorrows of widowhood. For your Creator will be your husband; the Lord of Heaven’s Armies is his name! He is your Redeemer, the Holy One of Israel, the God of all the earth.  For the Lord has called you back from your grief–as though you were a young wife abandoned by her husband,” says your God. For a brief moment I abandoned you, but with great compassion I will take you back. Isaiah 54:4-7

In the Story of the Two Lost Sons found in Luke 15:11-32, shame is never used by the Father. Read this discovered view of the Parable of the Prodigal Son in this short book.

God sent his Son into the world not to judge the world, but to save the world through him. John 3:17

In the story of the adulterous woman, Jesus said, “Neither do I. Go and sin no more.” John 8:11

Peter had a reason to be shamed, even condemned. But 3 times Jesus restores him not with shame but with the respect of a call. After breakfast Jesus asked Simon Peter, “Simon son of John, do you love me more than these?” “Yes, Lord,” Peter replied, “you know I love you.” “Then feed my lambs,” Jesus told him. John 21:15. 3 times Jesus gave Peter this calling.

Don’t you see how wonderfully kind, tolerant, and patient God is with you? Does this mean nothing to you? Can’t you see that his kindness is intended to turn you from your sin? Romans 2:4

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. Romans 8:1

The Lord isn’t really being slow about his promise, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to be destroyed, but wants everyone to repent.  2 Peter 3:9

Of course, there are more verses. Do you see this truth?

Do you believe you are the exception to this truth? That you are only worthy of God pursuing you with shame?

That is shame lying about shame. Shame makes a mess of our brains.

Are you feeling a bit confused? Good. Confusion is a signal to your wounded soul that something needs to bravely change. This false belief about God needs to bravely change.

Welcome to a brave new beginning for you. May you not be able to contort this truth out of your soul.