Do You Think This Relationship is as Good as You Can Get?
A checklist of questions for you.
Are you liking being chosen? It feels wonderful to be chosen but there is more for you than this.
You are overlooking red lights, and yellow lights, to make this relationship work. Potential isn’t the same as a true match. Ask your gift of people about these red and yellow lights.
Should you get hopeless about this relationship?
Should you stop settling? The very thing you are seeking—a love for a lifetime—is the thing you are sabotaging by settling for this relationship.
Accepting good enough is peacekeeping. You don’t want to face conflict. You are uncomfortable with volatility. You will become a doormat and apologize too quickly to have some semblance of peace. This semblance of peace is a form of control. Peace built on control is not love.
Are you being your whole self? Show up whole, as is.
You are not completing this other person. This is not your role.
Being chosen is not the same as being truly known.
Settling for good enough might be more about the fear of being alone.
You don’t want to be too much so you downplay your needs, emotions, and feelings so you don’t drive him/her away. Wouldn’t you rather be truly known? (For you, A List to Help You Not Date Someone Who is Emotionally Unavailable)
Are you avoiding the hard conversations? Hard conversations are a part of healthy relationships, a part of growth and connection.
You are minimizing your own worth to justify staying.
You are ignoring your gut instincts (you feel this) and the wisdom from your friends.
You are settling for potential instead of reality.
You are compromising boundaries to avoid loneliness. Or confrontation. This is a both/and.
You are shrinking yourself to make space for someone who may not truly see you.
You are confusing familiarity and comfort with genuine compatibility.
Do you like being this fixer in your partner’s life?
You are convincing yourself that “good enough” is all you can get.
You know your partner lies to you but you keep making up reasons for why he/she does this.
You are letting fear dictate your choices instead of hope for a love for a lifetime.
You believe God has abandoned you. At least you are dating someone.
You are postponing your own happiness to maintain the status quo.
You are settling into patterns that may never change.
You are reasoning that your partner knows Jesus but does he/she really love Jesus?
You are teaching your partner what is acceptable by tolerating less than you need.
You are settling when you should be waiting for someone who celebrates all of you, not just tolerates parts of you.
You have settled for a taker, when you really want a giver.
You are risking regret later by staying where your heart knows it doesn’t fully belong.
No matter how deeply your lives are intertwined, make the necessary ending now—because that ending is coming anyway.
Trust is missing in this relationship. You know it and are okay with it. (Read also: Why You Choose Someone Who Can’t Be Trusted)
Do you wonder if you can do better than this? Do you think this relationship is as good as you can get?
It is not possible for you to love someone who you do not trust. Love thrives when it is accompanied by both trust and joy. While love can exist even in difficult or imperfect circumstances, it reaches its fullest, healthiest expression when you feel safe with someone and genuinely delight in his/her presence. Trust and joy are the emotional foundation that allows love to grow, deepen, and sustain itself over time.
Try this little exercise. Rather than excusing his/her sins (maybe you justify it by calling it bad behavior instead) in the name of love be more specific. Say, “I have so much joy with him/her, he/she just cheated on me?” Or, “I have so much joy with him/her, he/she just hit me?” “I have so much trust with him/her, he/she just hurt me.” Do you see the difference? Do you see how what your justifying isn’t what your soul (or body) wants?
You have a discerner (part-brain, part-instinct, and part-Holy-Spirit) that is speaking loudly.
You have the choice now to make some brave decisions. Yes, this is hard. And yes, the people in your life already know you need to do this. They are cheering for you. Me too.
