When the Relationship is Over. Everyone Knows It But You.

My guess is your team already knows it, if you let them in on your relationship. Too often relationships are grown in the dark. Let the light of your community come into your relationship space. This is why it is important to date with a team. Let this happen for your next relationship. Because this current relationship is over.

Time has revealed that this is not a match after all. Deep down you know it. Instead of facing the ending which needs to be made, you start to contort, to be super-glued, to pray, to cry, to compromise, to lie to yourself, to lie to others, to put “what God told me” as more important than what you are discerning now.

You play this trick on yourself–“I will only think of the good parts of him” trick. Every time you think about breaking up/making this ending, you begin to miss someone who does not exist. You focus just on the part that you like and fail to look at the whole of the person, which includes the negatives which time has revealed to not be a match for you. You never make the ending because you feel like you are losing something wonderful. But this person you are really in love with does not exist.

This person you are really in love with does not exist.

The ending of this relationship is going to be hard. Because it is an ending. Because it is an ending to some very real feelings—most likely love—that involves a very real person whom you also like and has become a pattern in your life. Because she is not a bad person. She is good and valuable and loveable. But she simply is not a match for you. Time has revealed that.

Another reason why this is hard is because mixed in with the truths that time has revealed, you also think that you failed. Or that you weren’t enough. Or that something is wrong with you. Or that you are too difficult. Or that you are too damaged.

Rather than facing the fears (based on lies) you have about yourself, you continue to contort yourself to stay in this relationship. To keep being in love with a person who doesn’t really exist.

But when you allow yourself to get quiet, you know the truth. This relationship is over. Other than your desire to stay together, this relationship has no future.

It is a time for bravery. Pain is your beginning. And this will hurt. This has never been more true. These are my words of encouragement to you. I know, they don’t feel so encouraging but you also know deep down that they are the truth and that is encouraging. You’ve spent enough time lying to yourself to keep this relationship working.

You’ve decided. You do have the bravery to make this necessary ending. Here is some help for you:
How To End a Relationship Well, Part 1
How to End a Relationship Well, Part 2

Yes it is in two parts because nothing about making an ending is simple. There is no short-cut to make it easier. And time is needed to heal.

Read the book

A small book about being the people that hurting people need.

“This is the book that I wish I had had for people in my life that have suffered and needed me to be that compassionate friend. This is the book that I wish others in my life had read before they dismissed my pain, or compared it to theirs, or stumbled horribly through trying to lessen my pain because it was actually really about THEM not feeling comfortable with it.”

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