Your Body Matters

I know you are reading a Christian article about dating advice.
I also know that you have very likely been sexually active. I know this and I write anyway. There is no shame forthcoming.
Have you ever disconnected yourself from your body during sex?
This hurts my heart for you.
This culture has taught you to divide physical intimacy from emotional intimacy. You have been taught to devalue the human that you are with, to other the body. And to devalue you. You are to disassociate your body from who you are as a whole person.
Sexual intercourse, the most intimate of bodily relations, has been disconnected from personal relations. All that matters is consent. You consent and have learned to separate your body from your mind and soul.
Your body doesn’t matter. So turn it off. No names, no emotions, just sex. Which also means you don’t matter. You feel this haunt.
You wish to matter.
This is oh so common and so many broken people. You feel broken too.
You are having sex with a whole person. You are partnering in sex as a whole person. Turn your body off all you want, but you are a whole person having sex.
Your whole body, soul, and mind was created for something more. Sex was created to bring all of those together to be an expression of all of them. Think about the act of sex. True, right? Sex is designed to be whole body, soul, and mind. Sex is more than a physical act. It is access to the rich inner life of a whole person.
This is when sex is beautiful, life-fulfilling, and memorable.
There is not a condom big enough to protect your heart.
There is no Prozac for the mind to fix this.
Your body is good. Your body matters.
The Bible is pro-body. Beginning with Genesis 1:27 – So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.
Your sexual identity is fixed and secure because it was gifted to you at your creation. Consider receiving your body as a good gift from God. (I know, I just triggered some identity issues for you.)
Today’s popular ethic is anti-body. You are defined by your feelings and desires. There is disdain, even hatred, for the body.
How can your personhood be separated from your body? Doesn’t your personhood include your body? Is your body valuable?
In Paul’s writing he elevates the body. 1 Corinthians 6:15 – Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ himself? Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!
Paul’s rationale for sexual morality is that your body has dignity of being a member of the body of Christ. Your body inherently has dignity.
Paul goes further and says your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. 1 Corinthians 6:19 – Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own;
The temple was sacred space, where people went to meet with God. Your body is where people will meet with God. Where you will see God. Your body matters. Your body is valuable. Your sexual experience can be a place where you meet with God. It is supposed to be.
Because of this Judeo-Christian ethic, true consent was a rarity in the world in which Christianity got its start. Christianity invented consensual sex when the early church developed a sexual ethic that assumed that God empowers individuals with freedom, including women. The Christian sexual ethic invited all of us to include our bodies, to be whole persons, in the act. Hence the boundaries around sex.
From the beginning, Christianity was not traditional; it was radically countercultural. What is going on now with this belief that it is just sex so disconnect your body is historically traditional.
You may think you are having a no-strings attached hookup, but your body is still creating a chemical bond—whether you mean to or not. Oxytocin (women) and vasopressin (men) is being released in your brain (part of the pleasure) and that is the bonding hormone. Your body is still having part in this action, even if you think you have turned your body off. Sex involves our bodies down to our biochemistry.
People say Christians are anti-science. This popular ethic is anti-science.
So why do you separate your mind and soul from your body? Why do you turn off your mind and soul when sex is happening to your body? Why do you turn off the lights when you have sex?
I wish more for you. I address this haunt on purpose.
Further reading: Love Thy Body by Nancy Pearcey.
Bonus: Ways to Speak to Your Body
- Thank you for supporting me.
- You can take up as much space as you need.
- Thank you for the feedback you are giving me.
- I want to listen to what you have to tell me.
- You are worthy of good things.
- You can untangle the pain that is wound inside of you.
- I will keep you safe.
—Try Softer, Aundi Kolber, p. 155