The Excuses (As Real As They Are) Don’t Look Good on You

You want to date. You really do. But…

*There are no good men in my church to date. They are all taken.
*There are no good women out there. All the good ones are married.
*The attractive ones don’t have values and the spiritual ones are boring.
*Whenever I meet someone who I could be interested in, I find out that he/she is married.
*I have yet to meet someone who is interested in the things I am interested in.
*I tried online dating and no one returns my messages.

It sounds like you are the victim of circumstances. You are sure that if “this” could be changed, you would risk your vulnerability and date and learn more about you and find your love for a lifetime.

But are you a victim of circumstances?

Your life is not just about these “outside” circumstances. Yes, these circumstances do influence you and put you into situations you do not like. But know this: You also participate in these external circumstances. You may not cause them, but you do have control over how you respond to them.

Do not let your defenses and your excuses keep you locked up in a small world.

So this is your reality? What are you going to do about it? Something in your control can be changed. Are you brave enough to change that? This may mean visiting other church events. Or asking your friends for “set ups.” Or you sending more messages from your online dating profile. Or you re-writing that message you’ve been sending so it is a bit more vulnerable.

Maybe you’ve been believing that the “right thing” for you to do in your stuck circumstances is to continue to “wait on God.” The Bible teaches that God provides even for the birds in the air, Matthew 6:25-34. Certainly God loves you more than the birds so you think you should continue to wait on this good God (He is!) to change your circumstances. But the birds God does provide for have to leave the nest and fly around to find the mosquitoes and seeds God has provided. Some activity is required! (Dr. Henry Cloud taught me this!)  Some activity is required from you.

You can continue to be a victim of your circumstances. You can continue to whine and blame. You can continue to let your defenses and your excuses keep you locked up in your small world. Or you can make a move. Do something. Change something. Yes, this is scary. This is vulnerable. This probably has something “big” about it.

When I talk about brave dating practices, this is one of them.

Can you do it? Will you do it?

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