About that long journey to healing.
I’m sorry that I can’t offer you a quick fix. There is a battle going on for your soul. It is a battle worth fighting. You are worth the battle. There will be pain but pain is your beginning.
The process of healing begins with pain. This is found in Romans 5:3-5. Out of my broken heart I can find a way to set new goals and strengthen my tenacity muscles because I believe worthiness is my birthright. I can make the decision (and this is a me-thing not a God-thing) to find a Plan B. God is the source of my hope (and yours) because God has hard-wired me to endure and make it through.
You already are feeling pain so may you desire to find healing.
When you realize that God has hard-wired you for pain, you realize the possibility to overcome. And I’ll add the word triumph.
Triumph means battle. The battle is prerequisite for the victory. The victory is on the other side of the battle.–Pastor Michael Todd
Battles are always unfair. You don’t fight fair in a battle.
Unfair things have happened to you. This is why your heart is so smashed. This unfair thing has caused you to feel helpless. To feel anger. To feel vengeful. To want to control this outcome—or any outcome. To feel some power. …To ask three different women to tattoo your name onto them so you feel loved. (Read that story.)
These women had nothing to do with the unfair thing that happened. But you powered over them in an effort to make that unfair thing fair.
And you still feel unloved.
Unfair leads to offense. You are hurt by offenses. Your hurt others by offending them. It’s a wicked web of pain.
You can’t make fair out of what is unfair.
This is an exhausting and soul-sucking way to live.
To heal you have to validate the unfair thing(s) that happened. Not justify it with some excuse. Not make yourself small so you can be okay with it. Not ignore it. Not power over it. Not try to change your life without healing this root—because this root will destroy your new life no matter how hard you try for it to not. You will offend those you love the most by your trying to ignore this unhealed root of unfairness.
You have to name the unfairness. You have to feel the unfairness. Which you already do as you are trying to power over and numb and desperately fill that hole in your heart. You think holding on to that unfair thing is actually protecting yourself.
You heal when you forgive unfair.
How can this be?
Forgiveness and correcting wrong are two different things. You are not being asked to correct the wrong. Or to make the unfair fair. This is God’s responsibility. And trust me, God is all about justice. Especially justice for you whom he loves so much.
Forgiveness is one of those brave choices. Daring to forgive is how I move from victim to hero in my story.
Even though forgiveness is commanded from God, we ignore or we justify away or simply refuse. Forgiving these others feels like too much for God to ask from you. God has got to understand why it is too much (he still does) so you think you don’t have to. You simply can’t forgive.
But…forgiveness is God’s gift to human hearts that are prone to turn hurt into hate.
You know this to be true. You feel the hate that used to just be hurt. You are tired of this wicked web of pain.
Forgiveness becomes possible because you are deciding to cooperate with what Jesus has already done. This is what forgiving this person(s) is being asked of you. Then you go on this journey of forgiveness.
No where along the journey are you asked to:
- Let go of healthy forms of anger.
- Allow others to continue to disrespect your needs and boundaries.
- Lie down and becoming a human doormat.
- Tell the wrongdoer that the past is no longer significant and everything’s fine now.
- Forgive and forget.
- Agree to any sort of relationship with the one who hurt you.
- Pretend to go back to normal as if nothing happened.
- Deny that you may still have to live with pain caused by the wrongful action.
- Condone the bad behavior or justify the offense.
- Wait for an apology first.
Forgiveness is having “a memorable moment in time when we’re saying, ‘I’ve decided I have suffered long enough because of what other people have done to me. So I’m going to sever myself from this unforgiveness attachment to this source of suffering. I am going to walk in healing.’” –Lysa TerKeurst, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget
God is with you. In all of the unfairness. The unfair is hard but God is still with you.
Psalm 37:28 – For the Lord loves justice, and he will never abandon the godly.
Psalm 6:8-9 – Go away, all you who do evil, for the Lord has heard my weeping. The Lord has heard my plea; the Lord will answer my prayer.
Psalm 103:6 – The Lord gives righteousness and justice to all who are treated unfairly.
These are just three verses out of so very many in the Bible.
You heal when you forgive the unfair. You stay stuck if you don’t. Aren’t you tired of being stuck? Or being so angry? Or so small?
Forgiveness is one of those brave decisions. Also commanded by God throughout the Bible. Try this new way. Find your triumph. Walk in healing.
You are worth the battle. You will overcome.
P.S. Do you want some deeper and helpful insight on these thoughts. Watch Michael Todd’s message. It is worth the hour+ time.