This “rule” is just begging for its own article. Because, men, there is gold to be found in you.
This rule comes from the list of the rules the Anti-Flirt Club of the 1920s created to protect women from the lounge lizards who would use false intentions for their personal gains.
Men, you are more than lounge lizards. Or slick dandified cake eaters. I believe there is gold in you and you are a worthy catch. (Even if you like to eat cake too!)
Note: I went to Urban Dictionary to get the real definition of cake eater. I found out that this is personal to me! The definition is “A cake eater actually refers to Edina, MN, saying the people in it are so rich they can have their cake and eat it too. It could also refer to rich white suburban kids in general, too. And BTW- Mighty Ducks was filmed in Minnesota, so he’s probably literally calling that kid a cake-eater from Edina.” Source. I grew up in Minnesota. I know Edina. In my teen years we made fun of Edina while secretly dreaming of dating someone from Edina. John’s best friend lives in Edina now. I can’t believe I spend time in Edina when I’m back visiting family and friends. Do I personally know a cake eater?
Live life with passion. Women see passion as appealing. Because maybe you will also be that passionate about her and you may give her an experience she can get caught up in. So how do you spend your free time? Is there passion involved in the decisions you make about your free time? Are you passionate about a cause so you’ve gotten yourself involved? Are you passionate about your other relationships so you value time with these people? What about your job? Are you just putting your time in or does it motivate your life in any way? Women recognize that this passion comes from a true heart and that is attractive. Boring guys show little passion and make safe decisions. Nice guys live by compassion and that is attractive.
Drive. Masculine energy is directional energy. What direction are you going in? Do you know? Do you have passion for that direction? Drive shows strength, even if you are in the first steps of what drives you. Women are attracted to that strength. Optimism is attractive also. Boring guys show little passion and make safe decisions which shows no drive so no strength. Nice guys live by compassion and that drives them.
Boldness. Boring guys are not bold. They don’t take a stand on much, maybe because they also lack passion. Live your life boldly, bravely. Think back to some of those times in your teen years when you made bold decisions. Do you remember that anxiety and tension you felt but because you were “young and dumb” when you did take your bold stand. Rekindle that as an adult. It is attractive. And the world needs the heartbreak you risk. Nice guys have the freedom to be bold because they are compassionate.
Confidence. Look everyone you talk to in the eye. Not a stare down but a look like you and I both know that you are here and now in this conversation—even if you are just ordering a coffee. You will be surprised at how this will grow your confidence. Remember that worthiness is your birthright. You are a pretty awesome guy. Thanks for being in this world. It is nice of you to show up and let everyone know that you are here. Confidence has a magnetizing effect not just on women but everyone. Boring guys try to up their confidence because they know they have so little to be confident about. Nice guys have confidence because they are defined by their brave decisions and know that. Brave decisions formed from passion and boldness. Thanks for being in this world.
Vulnerability. There is that word again. I use it a lot here at Bravester. That word always bring discomfort with it. But vulnerability is strength. And women are attracted to strength. Some men have been raised with the false belief that they should always appear detached, cool and unemotional, or risk being known in guy world as “weak.” When you’ve been called a nice guy it makes you want to try to be detached and aloof so you can be known as the “bad guy.”
But you can’t. This takes you out of the compassionate and confident guy that you are. So there are times you need to risk. Sometimes those are painful failures. This may be a failure on a ministry team you led or asking out that gal you have your eye on. Remember a rejection is not 100% about you. There are two or more people involved. But people are watching. They see this strength in you. It is attractive. Boring guys hide and numb themselves. Nice guys live bravely because “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity.” (Dr. Brene’ Brown, Daring Greatly) All of those words are attractive.
Adventure. Boring guys go on movie dates that show an adventure on the screen. Nice guys live with adventure. This does not mean that you are a professional paintball player (I married one and he is nice). It means that what you do with your free time is not videogames. You find adventures. You lead other people to adventures. Sometimes you are spontaneous. Ideally these adventures would also make the world a better place. Serving God even for two hours on a Saturday can be an adventure. Thanks for being in this world, nice guy. We are attracted to you.
Know how to fix a tire. Or something handy like that because some women do know how to change their own tires. But I will say that being handy is a strength that women are attracted to. Boring guys do not continue to learn. Nice guys do not mind getting dirty to show what they have learned.
This is your gold. How much of this is a part of your life now? What areas can you grow in? This is why I write this stuff. I want you to know that you can be a worthy catch. This is what women are looking for. This is all in your control. This is all part of your purpose of being in this world. Grow now. Be now. You are capable. You are gifted. You are needed. And you may just meet your love for a lifetime along the way. Or at a minimum when you do meet that great match you will be that full-living person whom other full-living and healthy people will find attractive.
And she won’t call you a slick, dandified cake eater. You’ve got a chance!
(photo credit: https://sarahstrong.photography/creative_healing/)