That’s quite a title that hits a deep longing for those of you who are searching for love in this confusing and broken world. I know some truths to get you there. Please read on.
I’ve been in youth ministry since 1981. That is lots and lots of lots of teens that have grown into young adults who I’ve been involved with through tough issues. One of those consistent tough issues is sex—whether it is premarital or marital; whether it is pregnancy or STD; whether it is rejection; whether sex really isn’t all that it is hyped up to be–or it is; whether it is abstinence, too. Often it is heartbreak. I have had so many deep conversations. Throughout this all I have believed: that God created this idea of sex and it is good; that the culture often doesn’t have a clue about the great gift that sex is; and that not everyone is doing it.
The statistical numbers have looked bad for some time, though trending more positive lately. Whatever the numbers though they were always too high when you consider that the heart is the most vital organ when it comes to sex. Then there is all the talk about the “hookup culture.” For some parts of the population, this is very very real. Very very sad, when you consider the heart is the most vital organ when it comes to sex. Because “traditional sex” is now viewed as boring by too many, experimental sex is crossing into mainstream. Now we add health dangers to the very thing that is core to our human design. We are made to have sex. God designed us this way. God is involved in this way more than most anyone acknowledges.
Yet through this all, I have believed and continue to believe that there are beautiful young adults out there who have a respect for the gift of sex and are making the decisions now to keep this gift in line with God’s plan for it. And that is good.
With that background I share this article from Relevant magazine. Read the entire article but I want to point out these points that support what I have believed in all of these nearly 40 years. Hint: the culture may be changing. Even a little bit is a win.
- “Earlier this year, data from Match.com—yes, Match.com publishes studies—indicated that one in three of all twentysomethings, not only those in college, are still virgins. And this looks like more than a few kids trailing behind their peers. The same study showed that nearly half of millennials haven’t engaged in sex in the past year.”
- “Both men and women said ‘rejection’ was their greatest sexual fear; but for women, that is followed closely by ‘coercion.’ But the general feeling among virgins and nonvirgins alike was that they were having less sex than their friends. Everyone, in other words, thinks they are the exception to a general state of wild abandon. They continue: ‘It’s as if sexual freedom has become a burden as well as a gift.’”
- “When sex is everywhere and everyone is having it (87 percent just five years ago), then illicit sex certainly no longer projects independence, and it probably causes more anxiety than it’s worth. We’ve reached the point where sex is widespread and normal, and now it’s boring, like Playboy Magazine.”
- “With everyone rushing to define themselves by their sexual escapades, the more unique option seems to be to abstain.”
Please do read the entire article to gain the context of those eye-opening quotes and to get the full-meaning of this truth:
“They are looking to be part of an all-encompassing cosmic mystery. They are looking for a love that is stronger than death.”
This is why I have maintained a consistent and honest message about sex with teens and young adults these nearly 40 years. Because sex is more than what two bodies do together. It is the analogy of God to his people and the oneness that is desired and the ache that all people feel until they are one with God. It is no wonder the devil has done so much to destroy sexual behaviors and our attitude towards sexual behaviors. The devil is trying to destroy our innate desire to be one with God.
I’ve talked to too many broken-hearts to know how true this is. The healing of a broken-heart almost always leads one back to God’s gracious forgiveness and always-willing second chance. But a scar is left. The devil wins in that scar—until we can use that scar to tell a greater story. We have learned this from Jesus’ scars that show his very love for us.
God redeems every broken heart. God loves you. And you are worthy of a love that is stronger than death.
Remember that first as you brave date. Remember everything else from this website also so you can make the good decisions to find that love for a lifetime. It begins in you. And that you are worth more.