No Situationships for You. I Hope.

Spangler Candy Company is embracing the blurry in relationships and candy. The brand will launch its “Situationship” boxes of iconic conversation hearts candies for Valentine’s Day 2024. Instead of something clear like “Be Mine” this box of candies will have blurred messages because of the lack of clarity in dating that dating has become.

No wonder so many hate dating. And I agree that this type of unclarified dating is too messy to get involved with.

Dating has become such drama that we now have a candy that reminds us of that.

“The specially designed boxes contain blurry, misprinted candies that are as hard to read as Gen-Z relationships. … The brand is encouraging confused singles everywhere to get them while they last and give the gift as blurry as their relationships.” –Evan Brock, vice president of marketing for Spangler, Source

Funny. Not funny.

“Situationships” have now crossed over from slang to a clinical diagnosis. According to the  Cleveland Clinic, “’situationships’ are ‘romantic entanglements where the participants haven’t established the nature of their relationship.’ Situationships can be with people you met when you are in town or your plus-one for events. Those relationships ‘have no labels, exclusivity or boundaries.'”

Dating should never end up in a situationship.

One of our brave dating practices is clarity. Clarity is letting the other person know where you are at along the way. Clarity is plain and simple words—that are said. Not hinted at. Not pantomimed. Not nonverbally given. To speak the words is a bit scary (hence the bravery) but those words are plain and simple gifts.

The bravery of clarity will give you a label, exclusivity, and boundaries. As well as trust and respect.

Situationships cause you more anxiety than the relationship is worth. You waste so much time trying to figure out what is going on. You twist your heart a lot too.

Wait, is it a relationship? Do you want it to be a relationship?

Must read: About that Guy That Looks at You Like You are the Sunshine in His World But You Don’t Even Know If He is Your Boyfriend and About Your “Friend” Who is the “One but is Never Your Boyfriend.

This is the story of too many of my relationships…or situationships.

Here is my seasoned advice to you to help you not get into situationships:

Clarity all along the way.

Clarity is kind. There is nothing kind about a situationship.

Check in with yourself about your loneliness.

Dr. Henry Cloud (big fan here) wrote “If you do any of the following, then you might be giving up boundaries because of a fear of being alone:

  • Putting up with behavior that is disrespectful
  • Giving in to things that are not in accord with your values
  • Settling for less than you know you really desire or need
  • Staying in a relationship that you know has passed its deadline
  • Going back into a relationship that you know should be over
  • Getting into a relationship that you know is not going anywhere

“Your aloneness makes you get involved in relationships that you know are not going to last, so your aloneness must be cured first. The best boundary against giving in to bad relationships, less-than-satisfactory relationships, or bad dynamics in a good relationship is you not needing that relationship. And that is going to come from being grounded in your spiritual life, grounded in a support system, working out your issues, having a full life, and pursuing wholeness. If you are doing those things, you will not be subject to saying yes when you should be saying no.” –Dr. Henry Cloud email, November 5, 2019

(We all love lists, right?)

Clarify your sexual boundaries when you are grounded.

Defining this brave decision early and with conviction will help you on that lonely Saturday night or when you are seeking that plus-one situation.

Good sex is faithful, fruitful, and points us to God, for whom our hearts ultimately yearn. Bad sex tells the lie that our bodies don’t have spiritual significance. Your body has spiritual significance. You are worth more. (Please read.)

Wrestle through the question of “how far is too far” with these thoughts:

  • If your love for a lifetime is out there somewhere wrestling with this same question, how would you want him or her to answer it?
  • What level of physical involvement would lead you to lie about your past?
  • What story do you want to tell?

Have some vanity.

Another brave dating practice. This is something inside of me and you that says “I am worth it so I will decide to…”

I’m not naive to believe that none of you have to accept a situationship as a part of your dating life. Even if this blurriness is a large part of today’s dating culture, complete with candy. Try brave dating. There will not be room for a situationship to develop and you will be a great match for a worthy someone.

This is our core principle:

Try these ideas to meet worthy people. Read more here at Brave Dating. And don’t accept these candies this Valentine’s Day.

(Photo credit: https://www.pennlive.com/life/2024/01/blurry-misprinted-candies-that-are-as-hard-to-read-as-gen-z-relationships-sweethearts-releases-situationship-boxes.html)

Read the book

A small book about being the people that hurting people need.

“This is the book that I wish I had had for people in my life that have suffered and needed me to be that compassionate friend. This is the book that I wish others in my life had read before they dismissed my pain, or compared it to theirs, or stumbled horribly through trying to lessen my pain because it was actually really about THEM not feeling comfortable with it.”

Order here: https://bravester.com/new-book-from-bravester/