The Vulnerability of Dating

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Yes, dating is full of vulnerability.  This is why so many dread dating so much.  It is you meeting someone new who is trying to figure out who you are.  That is vulnerable.  Who are you presenting to this new person?  Do you like this person you are presenting to this new date?

There is also the chance to be disappointed.  You took a chance on this date and what a dud she was.  Or what a mismatch he was.  While you are glad to have this date over with, you also find yourself also pulling back because you don’t want to take such a chance again.  This is vulnerable.  It is easier to not try again.

Then there is the risk of a broken-heart.  Yes, this person you have planned a date with has the power to break your heart—because you know you may give this person your heart.  This is a risk.  This is vulnerable.

Be brave.  One of my favorite (and most-used) Dr. Brene’ Brown quotes is “Vulnerability is our most accurate measurement of courage.”  You are worthy of a good match.  Bravely walk into this vulnerability.  It is just a date after all.  This date does not define you.  The fail of this date does not define you as unlovable.  It is just a date.  Maybe even just a coffee date.

Of course, I’m assuming you discerned the acceptance of this date based on the green lights, yellow lights, and red lights (which is our most popular blog post!).  Wisely do not vulnerably expose yourself to anyone with red lights, and maybe someone with yellow lights.  Worthy you is able to discern.  Your team can help too.

Of course also, sometimes your aversion to vulnerability is also why you don’t have anyone asking you out.  Whether you are trying to or not, your aversion to vulnerability is sending off signals of “don’t date me.”

Ouch.  Do you see this possibly in you?  This is a hard and honest look at yourself, something that is not easy to do.  If this pinged anything inside of you, take this hard and honest look at yourself.  Is your aversion to vulnerability (or fear of vulnerability) sending off the wrong signals?  Dig deep on this one.  To possibly see this in you is going to be vulnerable.  Is going to confront you with a fear you don’t want to admit.  It is so much easier to blame situations than it is to take this look at yourself.  Dig deep on this one.

If an issue is exposed inside of you, take ownership and grow.  Direct your own story.  Don’t be an actor in your own story—by blaming external situations.  Philippians 2:12b-13 teaches us, Work hard to show the results of your salvation, obeying God with deep reverence and fear. For God is working in you, giving you the desire and the power to do what pleases him.  This is continuing always.  This is hard work.  You can do this.  Pain is your beginning.

Do not let your defenses and your excuses keep you locked up in a small world.  Bravely living vulnerable is a risk we all have to take if we want to be connected. 

Vulnerability is that path.  My other often-used quote, “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” –Brené Brown, Daring Greatly.  It is the birthplace of your love for a lifetime.

Be brave.  Show your measure of courage and let’s see what this New Year brings.

(Photo credit:  Pexels.com)

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